7 years of double life

by Mirabelle

I am in a relationship with a devoted husband and a loving father for 7 years! Wait! He's not my husband, nor the father of my children!

My relationship started so naively, i just fell in love and cursed everybody for not having met him first ... i even started reading about reincarnation ... I know, i'm also laughing at this now, but wait ... it's a long story.
I cryed and fell in depresion the first time his wife came for holiday with the children in the city where he was living with me because of his job .... i became his assistant... they were living in the house next door and I could see his wife dressed in the night peach silk dress closing the courtains every night before going to bed with the love of my life .... I blamed myself for not being preety enough, good enough, old enough, woman enough etc etc. I stopped eating , sleeping ... the real depression was about to come. I never told him though. I stayed tough, strong because in my mind I thought I could have him if I really tried.
Me and Her, we knew each other. She knew i was working for her husband and was doing her best to imitate me: buying same clothes, accessories, smoking in front of him like me which she never did before. Of course, I never understoot why he was argueing with her about her health and not with me.
Me, I was imitating her : learning to cook, take care of our home, cleaning etc. None of it helped any of us unfortunately.

She was telling me private things : how he sent her flowers for their anyversary the month before, how he used to love her breasts while she was pregnant, how attentif and loving husband he is (probably it was some strategy to make sure I would not want to be his lover)...that is a good tactique by the way... anyway he broke my heart but i still continued to love him.

He told me he wants his youngest child to graduate high school before he would divorce so that he wouldn't affect the kids' future.
I know he loves me, he spends most of his time with me, we lived together, but why would he leave his happy family for me? Just because i"m younger? I don't have anything better than his wife except the look. I'm 28 now and soon i"ll be 30, will i always be alone?
I tryed to leave him many times but he got sick, talked about suicide and others. I felt mercy and came back. When we are together everything is great, we love each other, talk, understand and advise each other, but right now that he is home sleeping with his beloved wife in their own bed, tomorrow morning they will sip the coffee at the same table, he will probably shout loud for her to bring him the towell at the shower because he always forgets it, and then wear the shirt that she has ironed for him, i'm realising once again that this is all a nightmare. Did I fall in a deep sleep about 7 years ago and nobody remembered to wake me up? I wish it was a nightmare so that I could wake up, take a deep breath and look again in the mirror thinking that I belong to myself only!

On the other hand I don't think i want to be the wife of a man who cheated another for 7 years. He has a beautiful family, beautiful smart kids and a pretty nice family history too. That's why I didn't understand in the first place what he wanted from me. Why was he giving me so much attention. Why did he join me at my sister's wedding or why does he want to meet my parents. Later I realised it is all about his will to conquer and dominate, and mostly about his need to be in the center of someone's life. His wife is busy taking care of the kids, house and has a job too, so the only person who has time to give him compliments about the outfit today, prepare his favourite desert or just caress stays ME.
Somehow I'm conscious that he will never divorce and I don't even know if that bothers me or conforts me.

Anyway I've started taking care of myself. I am working now and earn my own money (I didn't have my own private account or card in the last 6 years , by the way) . I decided to move to another city and start working... it's a city which accidentaly is the place where his family lives. Therefore we are not living together anymore. He moved as well, not in my apartment, of course, but in his warm, loving home .... We are still together, I can feel he loves me but I love him more. He begs me to move back again but I don't know if that is smart. I don't like my job but I am more independent than before even if I miss the confort of our sugar home... I mean really sugar, because it would melt away at my every tear but we would rebuild it over and over after every storm of tears...

I got used to the idea that i'm the second for him but could be the first for anyone else... just didn't find the right one yet .... don't know if i should cry or laugh at what i just said because for sure I would not jump into another relation long time if we would end ours. I need a holiday with myself only.

MY ADVICE: I don't know if i can advise anyone else, but if you are or you are about to become the second plate or the 5th wheel give yourself 5 reasons why you should and all the others that come to your mind as why you shouldn't. If still you decide you'll go for the extreme get ready for him to rip your heart out, step and dance on it, jump again on it, spit it in the end and throw it to the pigs .... but always to hear in the end ... you are the one I love! In the end it's all about love, right?
but i still didn't manage to find all categories of the word Love except the 3 greek "loves" ... maybe in another life when I will be 21 again, think twice and decide not to go for a married man ... hopefully ....

Comments for
7 years of double life

Average Rating starstar

Mar 30, 2012
should of known from the start NEW
by: rudy

As soon as you learned he was married should of been the last time you wasted your time entertaining him.That's how USERS operate.They just basically string you along and tell you what you want to hear.The next thing you know 7 yrs have been lost.Move on to someone who is AVAILABLE!

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