And so it... Just ends.
(Dontask, don't tell)
How does a married woman - leave the serenity she's found with her... Married boyfriend. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the weakness shown, yet strength found when eating the unforbidden fruit. I LOVE HIM... Wait, but do I really. Do I really love a man who pleases me on a level indescribable, and does the same for his wife. But if he's reeled me in; why isn't she doing her part..l but wait, that's none of my business, and Lord knows I don't want think of her so I don't personalize it... And really feel guilty. Speaking of guilty, what the hell am I doing..l do I mention... I'm married. To a man who treats me like gold. And our children (yes, gorgeous children) like royalty. Yet, we lack communication.
Long story short. He made love to me for everyday for 2 years from 800 miles away, and quarterly sxcapases. We got bold... And she didn't find out, yet I know she knows. He flipped the script on her... And. Feel so bad, bc she is probably at home thinking she is in the wrong; ye, he a smooth manipulator... Whom I love (do I?)
His heart knew he was wrong, and he said we need to change course, yet wants me to stay near as a friend (strong non physical relationship). As relieved as I wanted to be, my voic said ok... But my thoughts and post actions are - to hell with this. Get your mind out the gutter with this foolishness, and love yourself to redefine yourself as a wife for your amazing husband and beautiful children.
Do I block his number
Block his email
Play the game of haha..l I'm not texting u back
Tell him I'm done...
Or just say f it.l.
And do what I should have done, keep walking (away) and pray for forgiveness. My heart wants to do this, and one and 2. By the desperate part of me seeking his uncandid attention.... Says NO, how will we fill this void. Then I remember.... With your husband, and childrren. I am lucky to have them. I've truly treated them all like shit during this.
forgive me Lord, for I have sinned. Please allow me to seek understanding that you are a forgiving God, that my marriage plan was defined by you, and that the largest power you granted me... Is Choice. You gave me the power, please let me aim it wisely. Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned, and I ask for your guidance, forgiveness, and deliverance.
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