Both Married - im his PA, what a cliche

by JO
(UK)

The first day i met him was my interview, i liked him immediatley and the feeling seemed mutual. I knew it spelt trouble.

The MM: Married 5 years with 2 small children.

Me: Married five years, no children

I am married and i knew long before this happened that whilst me and my husband made a great team, there was something not right between us. I always thought myself as being frigid, i just didnt enjoy sex with him. There are millions of reasons why i felt things were just not right. I knew long before this liasion that we wouldnt survive.

As boss and worker we instantly got on and clicked. Nothing happened for the nine months that we worked together other than comments he'd make. I knew he liked me.

It was Christmas 2008 that it happened, initially it was a rub of the leg and his constant company at the work party. Then one week later at the office party we got close, got a taxi back to the hotel and he asked me back to his room. Of course i was over the moon but i refused. For 4 months after that night he never said a word about it. I was screwed up in the head i felt foolish and my marriage was starting to go rapidly downhill.

Slowly i came to terms with MM ignoring what happened and i was ok. Then in April he asked me to be his assistant and i was genuinely happy to do it. It wasnt long after that he spoke about Christmas and things just snowballed from there. He told me he couldnt stop thinking about me, he seemed almost desperate and come June we ended up in bed together. Its been very hard to cope with since. I've shed more tears over this MM than anything else in my life. The whole thing is a big secret, how anyone hasnt proved it is beyond me.

I know my marriage is over and what i've done is so wrong which is why i'm deciding to end it. I shouldnt be with someone if im doing this to him.

As for me and MM. We maintain a very good working relationship and i deliever the goods (pardon the pun). He's told me he loves me but everytime we spend time together, which is rare, the pleasure is soon replaced by anguish and heartache.

He's a lovely man but he's not deserving of my love for many reasons. He'll never leave his wife despite saying she "repluses him" and that he misses me.

Let me tell you all something:-

1. If ive spent a night with him he'll take a call from his wife while i'm getting dressed. I just allow him to do it and say nothing. He talks about holidays they have together and presents he buys her. I try to convince myself hes doing it to make me jealous.

2. I think he thinks hes the big man and its great for his ego. Every night i wait behind at work in the hope i'll get a cuddle from him.

3. He gets so jealous if i tell him im going out or if im booking a day of leave from work and loves to see me miserable.

4. The only thing he sees is himself in my adoring eyes.

5. I struggle to find any love or sympathy from him but then again maybe he feels the same way i do.

6. Whilst i still see him i'll struggle to find love with someone else.

Whilst i try to cope with my marriage falling apart and the heartache of it all he still goes home at night pretending.

The pair of us are both bloody fools.

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