Breaking up

by Karen France

I am writing this as I feel it may be therapeutic. When you are involved with a married man you don't really have anyone non-judgemental to talk to.
I have been involved with a married man now for 18 months. I met him on-line and didn't realise he was married. Even when I did find out I stupidly decided to carry on. His wife is disabled. There are no sites or discussion forums that
relate to this so it is difficult. In many ways I feel sorry for him. But he seems to have a relatively normal life, going on holidays and things. Which I resent as I would like to go away on occasions with someone other than a friend.I rarely see him. He said he loved me, in fact I am sure he did. He never at any time said he would leave his wife and I never asked him. But I have spent the last year trying to get out of it. He has made it very difficult for me as he won't accept it.

He is a lovely person, but I still feel very secondary in his life. I hate being a secret. I am not stupid. He is using me. However I decided to finish it and 3 weeks down the line I am still hurting. We do not contact one another now, which is my decision as it is the only way out. But I cannot get over him. Most sites deal with men with families etc. And say all married men are liars. What I need is someone telling me that even though his wife is disabled, he was a liar too.

Comments for
Breaking up

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Dec 12, 2011
Yes he is a liar NEW
by: Anonymous

These people lie. They we are weak and vulnerable.
To get what they want, they will lie.
I am glad you have a online affair. There are lot of people who are in worse situations.
Put an end to it and dont look back!
Good luck

Sep 28, 2011
by: Anonymous

The lies haunt me.
Did he actually love me?
Did he wear the tie I bought him? As he said he did?
Was he thinking of me at another 'boring' family situation which he (according to him) disliked?
Did he miss me when he was in Rome with his wife?
And would he rather have been with me?
I think not.
All lies.
Saying all of these things to keep me happy.
Wake up girls!!!

Sep 19, 2011
by: Anonymous

Being involved with someone who has a disabled partner is not easy. From the outset you know that the chances of being with the person is never going to happen. The thing is though, we as women enable men to take care of their wives, looking like martyrs and saints, while they are cheating. And we need to tell ourselves that. He is cheating. It is too easy to justify it, but we shouldn't do that. We feel sorry for them, feel we are making their lives happier, but we are still kept secret from their families and friends. We deserve better. Don't give up your happiness for him. He isn't worth it.

Sep 18, 2011
by: Anonymous

I just posted my story, had not posted to the site as of yet, look for it. I was involved w MM and wife is extremely disabled - I looked all over the internet trying to find something that dealt with this type of scenario - NOTHING!
I tried justifying the affair being ok because of his wife's condition....there's never a just reason for an affair - took me 5yrs to finally wake up. The pain is real but reading this site is really helping.

Jun 02, 2011
thank you
by: Karen France

Thank you for your words of support. I was certainly drawn into pity for him. But as time goes on, I realise just how much I was being used. thank you

Jun 01, 2011
Yes he is a liar too
by: Anonymous

Yes, he is a liar too. No matter what he still said the vow of 'staying for better or worse' and then basically two timing her. I know when we're in the shoes of the third party, sometimes we forget about how would the wife feel. But really, there is no reason for us to waste any more time waiting for something that will not happen.

Yes, some might argue that they are not waiting for anything, but then would you stay and get hurt even more? (since women are very emotional)

It's easier said than done...but bravo to you for leaving him already 3 weeks. Trust me, after about 2 months you'll realize life is much better. Also, you'll be so immuned to another married man playing on the pity game.

In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:

Will the Cheating husband EVER leave his wife?

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