Confused

by Injured
(Hong kong )

I have never thought that I would become "the other woman"... I have been with my husband for over 16 years since university. I have always thought that he is my soulmate, the center of my universe.

Then there comes A, who I met 2 years ago at work. I was never attracted to him but I guess he touched me heart when I was weak and worried about my job.. He helped and guided me when I couldn't get the support from my husband. Then after working together with him, he started to show his admiration for me. We would chat with each other like really good friends and he would holdi mynhand every now and then. He even told me that he liked me and how things would be different if we were to know each other earlier. I thought he was out of his mind talking to me like this. Then one day something happened and I fell for him, we crossed the line of being coworker...
He has been married for almost 15 years and has 4 kids. He told me that he was not happy with his marriage because his wife betrayed him while she was pregnant with the second child. Since he doesn't want his kids to grow up in a broken family, he decided to stay in his marriage. Took him more than 5 years to get his life back on track and by then, they had their third and fourth child two years later.

He has told me that he will never divorce his wife and he would like us to continue our Ffair as long as we could. I thought he was really selfish until few months ago, we went through deep rationalization and that's when we both realized that we couldn't leave each other. I finally agreed that we should try to carry on with ur marriages and families while keeping our relationship.
Then one day in December, he told me that his dad found out about us after following him and he saw me as well. His dad was very firm and asked him to choose between me and his family. I believe he must have tried to sustain our relationship somehow because he has long conversation with his parents for 2 days. He said that his wife started suspecting half a year ago. She pretended as if it was nothing and that it might be a one time incident. However, later she told her father in law and thats when A's father started monitoring him. His father and him had a discussion in august and his dad asked him to end the relationship which he didnt. So he probably went with more aggressive approachactual acing a tracking device in A's car. All along his wife didn't make a sound... a was shocked when his wife told him what she knew. Anyway, on the third day, he lost his temper while arguing with his mom, which led to a heart attack. His whole family turned against him since then. He then told me that he has no choice but to cut our ties because he has promised hi parents at he will never do such thing again. I had a hard time letting go of this relationship, even though it is wrong to begin with. It felt as if i am the most evil person on earth! Cried everyday for almost a month. I did try to repent and tell my husband about my betrayal but he was so kind and told me that we all made mistakes. I never got to tell him what I have done because he said that he didn't need to know what happened to me. I thought having his forgiveness is all I need but I guess it doesn't end that easily..
A called me yesterday and I asked him how are things at home. He told me that he tried to repair the relationship with his parents and wife yet none of them are talking to him like before. He said that the interactions are very "formal"...
I am torn and confused as I couldn't believe that he would stand against his parents for our relationship whereas I'm grateful for my husband's support and love. I wanted to move on and forget about A but it is so difficult. I felt as if my love for my husband is over.. I wonder at the same time what us going on between A and his wife? Does he love her or he is just using me? If so, he would have never done what he did...


Injured and ashamed

Comments for
Confused

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Feb 07, 2012
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all affairs end with misery NEW
by: ron

99 out of 100 affairs end w/ misery and heartache.People need to treat married couples as such,even if they are confused, unhappy,whatever,they are still MARRIED.MARRIED MEANS LEAVE THEM ALONE.Let their spouse deal w/all their B.S.and feelings, that's why they got married.I've learned the hard way that messing around w/ someone else's wife is a BIG WASTE OF TIME.(At least i didn't get shot by a jealous crazy husband.)When things get to hot in the kitchen it's time to GET OUT of the kitchen.That's what I learned,it's tough when feelings get in the way.Next time be aware enough to not let yourself get involved..Advise from someone who's been there and done that.

Feb 03, 2012
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Never go back to MM NEW
by: Sonia

I know the way u are confused bcos I was like this sometime ago. It is hard to decide. But let me tell you MM cannot be trusted. He will go back any moment leaving all what u think u have with him. please forget him. U have made the rt choice by letting him go and now dont look back.
Your husband is so special and one of a kind. He has a very big heart that he has forgiven you. U must respect him for that. That he loves u even after this.
I wish my hubby feels the way yours does. I miss him so much. Although he does not want me and we are apart now. I sincerely pray that your marriage stays rock solid! Hold on and dont let go.


Jan 19, 2012
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Typical affair NEW
by: rudy

So many affairs happen just like yours.Work affairs especially.Best thing to do is let it go and don't tell anyone on your end.What good would it do?It won't be easy and I know it's easier said than done.Hopefully you learned a big lesson in life.Don't do it again.You're human we all make mistakes.Just don't dwell on it forever.Take up some hobbies and get busy w/ your life...

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