Confused...but now I see the light
First off, I want to state that I have been no *angel* in the past 2 years, but let me explain.
I was hospitalized about 2 years ago for bipolar illness and alcoholism. I ended up meeting a man in the hospital with many of the same issues. I can say it was a lonely time for me and have no family--no support. I guess I don't need to tell anyone that 1) as an alcoholic trying to/or in recovery this is a NO-NO--AA says no relationships for a year and 2) the nature of my mental state should have nipped this in the bud...
I ended up coming home, getting sober, attending meetings daily. He came out, still drank ("only beer") and continued to pursue me, meanwhile bad-mouthing his wife (separated) who "cruelly" deserted him. Got to meet the family--his adult kids, then (eventually) the spouse. Wow. Talk about being fed a proverbial crock of shit--I felt like a manipulated idiot. He wasn't just in the hospital for alcohol detox as he claimed...but for having STABBED HIMSELF in front of his adult son, daughter-in-law, and 4 year old grandson (who is now emotionally traumatized) after his wife finally got sick of HIS abuse and LEFT HIM. Red flags everywhere...
Bottom line, she finds out about me and blows a gasket--which perplexed me since he introduced me to everyone EXCEPT her, yet stated she knew about me. All I heard was how "bad" she was: cheat, liar, drug addict, whole family hates her, etc. Then she contacts me via e-mail, and I get the unsolicited comments about him: the e-mails and phone messages I received from her personally and at MY JOB would make a sailor blush. Still, like a moron, I did care for this man, and still communicated with him and saw him. The wife "calmed down" and we actually sort-of became friends--at least civil at one point. We both agreed he had a problem and needed help. She was not living with him, he claimed the divorce was in the works, she said the same, he promised he'd stop drinking, take me to the moon, marry me...you get the point.
Bottom line I hung in there, but backed way off emotionally and sexually. Around Nov. 2011 I get a call from the family saying he's "no doing so well". Like an idiot, I run over there for a visit. He said he wasn't drinking and he wasn't--just appeared depressed. Like a further sick, co-dependent moron, I then suggest maybe he "needs a break" and can come on a 3-day business trip with me to relax? Do I need to even tell you how this turned out? He's sick all day while I'm at a conference, calling me to ask him to pick up alcohol for him, when I get back to the hotel--can I drive around downtown Cleveland a 10 PM to find him a liquor store???? I've been sober, I'm a professional, attractive woman with a good income, travel a lot with my job and my tolerance for non-sense was reaching ZERO. I tried to get him to AA and get a sponsor many times and advised his family they all need Al-Anon, immediately (no takers). He had numerous subsequent hospitalizations, which I was blamed for by his wife and oxy-addicted felon son for "not being supportive" enough (amazingly by the wife who used our communications against me!) though his son would go out and buy him alcohol daily when his Dad was too sick. Right now he is so sick with alcoholism that he is on a liver transplant donor list. I know this because he phoned me Sunday after I visited in the hospital about 3 mos. ago--and decided then to GET OUT. Immediately wife sends scathing e-mail about how whenever "I" pop into "HIS" life it causes him turmoil and "they will not have it any longer".
My response: "Good luck and prayers to you and your family; please do personally or have YOUR HUSBAND contact ME".
This is not your "typical" married-man story. Like I said, substance abuse and other issues involved. But it shares key elements. Please know that if you date a married man:
1) EXPECT TONS OF DRAMA...LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES
2) IT IS NEVER HIS FAULT--NOTHING IS--AND NOBODY WILL "REALLY" UNDERSTAND HIM, BOO-HOO...
3) IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT HIM AND ALWAYS WILL BE; YOU ARE USUALLY JUST AN EGO BOOST AND AN AFFRONT TO THE WIFE--AND YOU CAN AND WILL BE REPLACED
4) EXPECT A LOT OF MIND GAMES
5) IN THE END--NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY--YOU ARE THE ONE BLAMED
6) THE LOOMING DIVORCE NEVER HAPPENS, AND IF IT DOES...HE DOESN'T STAY WITH YOU
So, ladies, if this sounds like fun...go for it. Personally, I've had better intellectual and physical stimulation with a book and cucumber...in that order, and have realized I've wasted 2 years on a sociopath, liar, and his even sicker family.
In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:
Will the Cheating husband EVER leave his wife?