As the most hated antagonist in any situation, let me tell you about discreet relationships and being the other woman.
First of all, it’s not that I wanted to be her, nor had the intention of coming in between a perfectly stabilised marriage. I wasn’t even flirting to prove a point – nor I used any manipulation voodoo techniques to get him. For God’s sake I wasn’t even attracted to him in the beginning…and yes he was way older than me.
The romance began through a mutual love of business and trading stocks. As most friends of mine claim that my passion is more ‘manly’ – you know, trading stocks instead of walking the whole shopping mall.
I was very into trading, investing and reading different books (I remember we read a book together), I like the fact that I was mentally challenged on these topics. He was so into the stock market, he was even ‘trading for a living’. He could patiently watch stocks and stock news all day, coming up with the most up to date news to my ear.
His wife left for a two weeks holiday overseas to visit her parents, and there I was, finally getting his time for first hand tutorial on stocks and market trading. It’s not that him and I were in discreet relationships before that – I would’ve freely come to his place with his wife present if he wasn’t busy most of the time.
As you would’ve guessed, I knew he was married – and was trying for conception. Of course, I thought I was strong – no – I thought there was never be a temptation for me to be involved in some cheating discreet relationships with him. I must say it again, I was not attracted to him in the first place.
“Leaving a married man is like dealing with a break-up but worse. Check out a Guide on how to Forget your Ex in 24 Hours – and use the same principle to break off your addiction to this guy”
–Recommendation by Sally Webb
It is strange how chemistry forms. I found myself getting attracted to him more and more every time I see him. I must’ve been mentally challenged enough with the stocks that chemistry found its way to possess me – and it’s too late when I finally realise it.
I was hooked on him. it’s no surprise he was hooked on me too.
A forbidden relationship was then created, and even though my logic is normally very high it wasn’t easy to follow the rights from wrongs when chemistry, attraction and connection possessed my heart all at the same time.
I knew it was wrong, I knew I was going to be stuck in discreet relationships rather than a normal relationship – where I can be proud of my man..
The second week his wife was away, we had intense romantic rendesvouz…until that day he had to pick up his wife from the airport. Our ‘last supper’ together was very emotional, as I didn’t know what would happen to our future (As if we had a future, I guess my brain was blocked at that time).
Well at least I had a break from him, in the hope to regain my consciousness. ‘Oh logic please come back to my head’.
Yup I thought I wasn’t interested in discreet relationships, and I’d rather end this romance rather than having a secret affair.
But no, he come by to visit me at work several times a week, when his wife was away at work.
He also called me daily – we spend approximately two hours a day on the phone. This was all done during work hours.
Of course he didn’t change in his wife’s eyes, as he was home by the time his wife came home from work, and our discreet relationship was just a working day thing. Sometimes I wondered if he remembered me or even thought about me on the weekends.
On some rare occassion we get to travel together or spend a saturday together. (This depends on whether or not his wife has other plans – and whether or not she cancels that plan).
The romance was intense, but the pay off was a big guilt over my head to have discreet relationships behind his wife’s back. Plus the jealousy I was going through whenever he spent his time with his wife.
At times I just needed to talk to him on the phone – but wasn’t able to pick up the phone or ring him, to save our secret affair from being known. I was wasting my weekends thinking of him and waiting for him by the phone. In fact, I started losing my concentration at work altogether.
Soon I started dreading the weekend and preferred to be stuck in my office every day. That’s the time I had access to him.
I tried to end the affair, told him to make a choice as I just couldn’t live this way anymore. Everytime he asked me to marry him – providing the time is RIGHT – the guilt started to take over my whole body that I froze, and finally told him to think it over.
Yes I regret not taking the opportunity every time but you don’t know how guilty I felt.
After couple of years of emotional turmoil, he broke down and confessed to his wife – who was starting to have suspicion over our discreet relationship. The affair was spelled out, and it must’ve been just like hell let loose in their house.
She must’ve known all along, but never wanted to believe what she thought was true. I could only waste more time in grief on my days after that ploughing words into a diary – as I could not contact him at all. (Talk about a forced cold turkey method).
He turned 180 degrees and begged for forgiveness to his wife, promising to cut contact with me.
We were over. We didn’t talk for a very long time. In a way I was relieved as it felt like the big guilt over my head was lifted. I kept myself busy at work, and flirted my way to several new relationships that I wasn’t so interested in from the beginning.
After several months things went back slowly to normal, I remove myself from relationships I wasn’t putting my heart into. I heard from him or his wife occasionally, and I managed to ignore them.
The memory stays in my head for a very long time, making it a very good and emotionally costly life lesson for me.
Sometimes I still wonder how their marriage is like after me, was it bonding stronger, or was it breaking slowly…
In the end, I’m glad that happened, and I’m glad I kept it only for couple of years. I really don’t know how many more years I could’ve wasted.
I guess things that do not kill you really make you stronger, like the old sayings go.
I have been single ever since, preparing my heart for someone who I finally can call my own.
A rather bitter regret is still there somewhere in my heart for the amount of pain I have caused all parties.
P.S. Before you go, I came across a poem about discreet relationships written very beautifully by someone who was involved with a married man – reflecting her regret. It gives a really good portrait of ‘The Other woman point of view”. Click here to read the poem . (the page has sound, will open in new window)