Don't know how to leave...

by Myus
(Canada)

I'm so lost! I don't know what to do!! My story will be a little long so please don't mind...
The first time I met this MM was around Nov 2006, he is my boss...I applied for the reception position and got an interview. When we first met, I knew he has something for me because we had strong eye contact, nonetheless, he never hired me until 6 months later...he emailed me back and told me his has vacancy again. At the same time, I was looking for a job, so I took the offer instantly and that's May 2007 when I started to work at his office. When I see him again, I thought nothing would happen between us because obviously he's a lot older than I am and the fact that he's married. But once he started to chat with me, teach/train me, I know that he has some feelings for me. When he was reviewing my performance, (the first 1 on 1 lunch), he seemed so shy and afraid to have eye contact with me. I asked him why he didn't hire me the first place, he said he kinda knew I'd quit anyways because I was still in university, but he eventually had to hire me cuz his receptionist had to quit. I was thinking that...is it meant to be that I have to see him again?? and the weird thing is...his office key can open my house door!! it was so creepy...I kept asking myself is this really meant to be? Almost everyday, he'd txt me and facebook me, we never did anything more...tho some of the messages that he sent me would make me think that he likes me. We kept that relationship for about a couple months...and suddenly he became so cold to me...a few more months later he announced that his wife was pregnant...so i guess that must be the reason why. After another couple months, he started to txt me/ facebook me again as if we were like before...his actions told me that he does have something for me...but I tried not to take seriously because I don't wanna lose my job...wht if he does that to everyone? or what if i misunderstood? but deep down i really wanna know if he likes me...abt a month before his wife is due, I had to quit because I found a more decent job...at that time..i didnt really think so much as I just want a better career...when I told him i had to quit...he told me he likes me. He told me that once he found out he might not ever see me again, that's when it hits home. He told me he didn't wanna let me go. He said he's attracted to me since we first met, he knew it wasn't right so he hid his feelings. He told me he tried to avoid me by not hiring me, by not talking to me while he found out his wife is preg, but at the end, he couldnt control himself. Eversince then, we are together, and that's May 2008. We had lots of happy times together, mostly sexual...i gave him my first time! =( we started to build emotional attachment towards each other, especially after our sexual relationship...the longer we're together, the more we can't get out of this!! We tried to break up twice but we fell back with each other again. He told me he doesn't love his wife and the reason why they got married is because he dated his wife for 6 years, he has to take the responsibility. He told me the first 2 years was still good...but after that...the feelings died down even more, especially his wife doesn't give him a good sex life at all...he said he tried to love his wife more, however couldn't...he jus has no feelings for his wife...he said before me, he only have sex with his wife 5 times a year max...he sweared to god after he was with me, he didnt have sex with his wife at all...

Everything was quite stable for abt 1.5 years until Dec 2009. I was on a vacation for 3 weeks, he promised me he wont have sex with his wife no matter what....and guess what?? He fu*king did!!! He admitted over the phone, cuz he felt so guilty abt it...he said he was drunk that night and that just happened...the worst thing is no protection...i was so worried abt his wife getting pregnant again..which means he'd have to stay with her FOREVER!! I was so mad that he betrayed me like that...while i was away...what abt his fu*king promise??? i was grossed out...how can he do that if he said he doesn't love his wife???? I washed my face with tears every single night during vacation...i lost a lot of weight cuz i couldn't eat at all..i was so fu*king down!!! even now when i think abt it....i'm still crying!! but i love him so much!! i dun have the courage to leave him!!! I just told him I'll talk to him when i'm back from my vacation.
When I was back...he was so guilty...and he gave me a 30K cheque...because he was extremely guilty...he said that's all he can do because he can't commit anything with me! he felt so guilty...he said he loves me..he said he was so wrong that night and didnt know why and how he did it. He doesn't wanna break up...he promised me he wont do it again..and will treat me better...however...the worst news finally came, his wife is fucking pregnant with that one time sex!! cuz his wife did it on purpose, she had sex with him during her ovulating period...she wants a 2nd baby....i'm sure it's a fucking trap!! now his wife is due this sept...and i'm still with this MM...unwanting to leave...wishing for a hope...wishing that his wife will find out abt us and there will be a result...either we break up or he divorce...i dunno...i know we will break up...he wont give up 2 kids....his wife wins...i'm such a loser!! i'm a big fu*king LOSER!!! i dunno wht to do now!! i dun wanna leave him...i love him so much...can you please tell me what to do?? i really wannabe with him!! i'm such a fool!!! My heart burns everytime I think about his second baby!!

If we can't be together they why do I have to meet him the first place??? I'm so lost! i know i can't find anybody like him ever again!! please tell me what to do!!!

Myus

Comments for
Don't know how to leave...

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Jun 12, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

Dont be too hard on your self..it took me a year to finally snap and get rid..i know its not easy..but things were not getting better,,they were getting worse..you will do it when you have had enough...its been 4mths now..i turned 40 ytd,and ime concentrateing hard on my future..even get days now where he doesnt enter my head...i just wish we could all see,the years passing,,and we still give them the benefit of the doubt..its crazy to think they are going to give it all up for us..i didnt want to give him up,,,i had to,,,it was changeing me as a person,and i was looseing strenghth and respect from a good friend and family..i just reached the end of my tehter,,i havnt had an easy life,and was not going to let this man bring me down any more..i shed more tears in 3 yrs than my entire life,,purely through frustration,sadness,depressed,,living by my phone,waiting and wondering...well sod that!!!!!! iam a strong person..but allways hav been weak in love...get out b4 the baby arrives,,it will hurt alot if you have to live through that aswell..mine use to say all sorts about his wife,,didnt love him,they were friends,she showed him no interest..didnt make love :(( and so on,,but where is he now...with the same person he couldnt stand,,even told me he was repulsed by her...god,,,wot an idiot i was...he will get his one day,,or get caught out,,and i hope he does,,it even come to light after that he may hav done this b4,,god that made me feel bad..now...he can go to hellll..think of your self,,and sod the rest..take care my friend..xxxxxxxxxxx

Jun 10, 2010
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still counting down
by: Anonymous

Thank you my friend, you have always been so supportive. I support you too! You finally got out of it and was tough enough to ignore his calls and emails, I wish I have the courage to do so after July 1st. I just want to enjoy the last bit with him without thinking our issues. I just wannabe happy for the rest of the days, I know I'm lying to myself, but at least I still have him in my arms for the rest of the days, I have no regret. I love him so fucking much,sadly. After my bday (July 1) i will move on. I don't wanna waste any more time. I know he wont divorce his wife, his 2nd child is coming very soon. Everytime i think abt his 2nd child, my heart burns cuz he got his wife pregnant when i was away on vacation...the 3rd day i was away he fucked his wife!! FUCKER! so painful..very painful....this scar remains on my heart forever...tho scar remains...hope pain will fade away soon. My friend, i will promise you and myself to stay away from that fucker after July 1st. I really can't waste more of my youth...i will miss him so much. I will be so sad hearing news abt his 2nd son, i will be so sad hearing things abt his family, his new car for the family and his new house for the family...they all don't belong to me...i'm nobody! go fuck himself fucker! his lost not having me...his lost to lose someone that love him so much!!!!!!!!! my friend...i can do it....i'm done with him on July 1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lord please give me the power!!!!! i know i can choose!!!

thank you again my friend! xoxoxoxo

Jun 04, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

hey darling,,things not so good eh...you have to understand in your heart,,its not the wife you should hate,,,its him,,,he is the greedy bastard,,,he is the one that went out of his marridge vowels...i hate them all...the more i read,the more my heart hurts,,,i just no how hard the tangled webb is to undo,,,it took me a year to force myself to gain some self respect and dignity...and to let him go...all his undyeing pledges...well where is the bastard now...has he come running...noooooooooo.because he was out of lies and pathetic reasons to keep me dangleing...do you know wot the worse thing is,,,the 3 years of pain i went through..i just let it happen,,,i had the right to walk away at any time..but he was clever,,and slowly got me to love him..but i want more,,,sweetheart you shouldnt even wait a month..you know this is hurting you,and makeing you feel bad..as i have said to you,,i promise the pain will get better..i find it unreal.that i have been 3 mths without him,,and i often cringe at wot i let him do...sod that...tell him to piss off....bit of advice...you will not be able to do this untill you have had enough...when you have..and you will..cut all ties once and for all......i told you i had a letter..well didnt reply..had a phonecall at work..i put the phone straight down,,,remember any contact makes them feel better,and they know you still want them...i remmeber him pleading with me to get in touch,,he said even if it is abuse i just want to hear from you...well...unlucky because you will never hav me again....chin up my friend..you will get there..i just hope he doesnt use up to many of your young preciouse years,,,ime 40 nxt week..i was damned if i was going to let him take another day let alone another year of my life..thinking of you...xxxxxxxxxx

May 31, 2010
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counting down
by: Anonymous

30 days till my day my friend. I will break it off real soon! please give me support! i can't live in a situation like this anymore..he's just a fucker that needs to fuck but his wife can't satisfy so he finds me...after July 1st, go fuck himself and get his wife to feed his fucking loneliness & ego!

my friend, i know i can do it!! he can just go fuck himself!

lord, please put me on the right path!!

May 09, 2010
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THE PAIN GOES ON...
by: from a freind

i know how your feeling...but these days togeather are special and perfect,because they are rare,and what we want,,but its fantasy..we wait for those days,imagine wot we will wear,getting preped and happy..for one day only...till the nxt time he fits you in that is...had a letter from mine last week..it through me a bit,,for a day or to if ime honest..but all that keeps ringing in my head is==he is married,he has a whole life and family with someone else,he is bored,probally missing me feeding his ego....ect....but the biggest for me is HE LIVES WITH THIS WIFE,SHE HAS THE RING AND ALL THE BITS I WOULD WANT..so not wasteing another thought on him..yeah my heart hurts,,no doubt...but i will not be his bit on the side..he doesnt deserve me and i deserve better..its up to you sweetheart,but this situation will NEVER change.xxxxxxxxxxx the only good thing to come out of mine is==I WILL NEVER EVER BE IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN..X

May 07, 2010
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sigh...
by: Anonymous

I spent a whole day with him...miss him so muchhhh... so hurt and painful when i think abt our break up soon ='(

Apr 27, 2010
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I will dump him for sure I swear to god
by: Anonymous

Thank you my friend for your comments, it's very good, it wakes me up. You're so right, if anything goes wrong, the one he begs is his wife, i'm just the lowest priority of his fucking list. i'm so done with him...fuck..i shouldn't have rented the place now i'm stuck. The rent for the next month is already given...but nevertheless, I KNOW I WILL DUMP HIM!! I CAN DO IT I KNOW!! just 2 more months it's my bday and i'm done...2 more months...the rent is short term anyways...2 more months and i'm gone! my friend, i'm not giving excuse for myself to hold the relationship, i just want to enjoy the last 2 months with him disregarding all issues and after that...I'M DONE! DONE!! NO REGRETS...

Apr 27, 2010
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from a friend.
by: Anonymous

ONE LAST THING....IF THEY WERE GOING TO LEAVE,THEY WOULD HAV DONE IT YEARS AGOOOOOOO.....NOT 5,6,7,YRS LATER...ALLSO IF HE MAKES THE DECISION TO GET RID OF YOU...THE PAIN WILL BE ALOT WORSE,,THAN KNOWING (YOU)MADE THE DECISION...he wont handle it if you start maeking demands..and why the hell shouldnt you...i wish you could see your life in someone elses eyes...exactly what a friend said to me..my friend told me 6 mths in,,it wasnt going to happen,,i didnt listen,,but boy,,i wish i had..i would hav saved 3 yrs in total.....xxxxxx

Apr 27, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

sweetheart ,he cares only about himself...not you...and not his wife either....sod the deposit...thats his problem...not yours....if you get a place with him..that will be another nasty secret..these words are not to hurt you...they are fact...this guy is makeing you feel like nothing..is this really how you want to live...it will only get worse..for you anyway...you sound just like i did...you are starting to argue..as deep down ,this is just not enough for you...i know you know wot to do..its just finding that one thing that makes you think,,THATS IT....I TOO GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I DIDNT RESPECT HIM ANYMORE..THEY ARE COMPLETE BULLSHITERS.....THEY TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR....i didnt see mine as a loving man in the end,,just saw a man that was full of diplicity,how could i love a man ,that skillfully lies to me,,and his own wife..the way i looked at i was, she is stuck with a cheater,,,me....i had the choice...and i made it..i had reached the end of my rope...kick this areshole where he belongs...sweetheart.you are just wasteing time,and putting your self through endless agony....i will never forget how low and unhappy i was..i isolated myself,,my world revolved around his...take back your strenghth ...be a strong woman,,think hard about your future,,the scars run deep...but they do fade...i still cringe when i look back at the bullshit i fell for...feel quite stupid to be honest..if i could go bk to when he 1st slipped his num in my pocket.i would tell him to go get f.....!!!!!!!mine was allso my boss....but in the end the gutless bastard just walked..believe me,when the shit hits the fan,,its the wife they are begging...wot have you got to loose my darling..misery.tears,wondering,mind torture,waiting for calls,allways being 2nd best.knowing he is in bed with his wife.playing dad.driveing yourself crazy....yeah ...the list goes on...take your life bk,,be4 its taken from you...love from a friend.xxxxxxx

Apr 25, 2010
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sigh
by: Anonymous

OMFG...he has been treating me like shit these couple days! i dunno wtf is wrong with him! we had a fight last week, my heart was pounding! he doesn't even care abt me!! ='( i'm so sad my friend. i'm so sad...i'm in hell..i kept thinking abt him all day!!! i dun wanna wait till my bday even...i just wanna break up now! but we jus rented a place and deposit is given! wht to do now??? omg...i feel so sick!! he's driving me crazy! he a selfish asshole!! he doesnt even care how i feel! he just care abt his wife!! FUCK HIM VERY MUCH!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apr 19, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

MY pleasure..allways here if you need a friend..i cant tell you how much i understand..i too loved mine with all my heart..didnt want to leave him,as i loved him so much..he ticked every box i have ever wanted..but sweetheart..you are right..its destroying us,,or was for me..i too was a diff person..my moods were terrible.as we both know.you cant tell anyone,,so god knows wot people thought of me...you do have to do this..i hate to hear how much you are hurting,,its not a case of us not loveing them,,it comes down to mental state,and health..its heartbreaking,, i stand by,you are a young girl,,with respect,,with your whole life ahead of you..dont let him put you off others that will love you..you will love again,,and nxt time he will be all yours my darling..once you do this,do not look bk..if you do he will never take you seriousely..you take your young years and run like hell..as i said,you will hurt,,but NOTHING TO WOT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW..IME WEAK WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE,,but i just knew it was killing me,,i had to do something b4 my mind or heart was damaged beyong repare..i didnt even recognise myself or my decisions in the end..enough was enough..ime worth alot more..and so are you sweetheart..i will keep checking in..allwyas here for you..from your friend who knows.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Apr 19, 2010
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I can do it
by: Anonymous

I will promise myself, after my 25th bday, we're done, i'm gone!! when I think of wht he has done to me, i can only forgive, but i can never forget. The scar is always there, ALWAYS. He has done me so wrong and he will not leave his wife. I have to get out of this no matter how much I love him..he has done me so wrong, why shud I still love him? he doesn't love me!!!! I will force myself to let it go, this is hurting me so bad, this has changed my life already! i have to correct it =(

Thanks for all your support, and sorry i've been so up and down & being so repetitive...please pray for me, i have to be firm abt this...i must leave him!

thank you very much my friend!! xoxoxo!!

Apr 19, 2010
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from a freind
by: Anonymous

hey sweetheart..things not good eh..revenge will(not) change anything,it wont even make you feel better,,A new baby comeing,,get OUT now darling..i did the same as you are thinking,that was to block on face book,changed mobile num and home num..like you i dont want to see or look at him..i to pray he doesnt turn up..which he hasnt..that is because he has no balls..this has to be for you..not to get at him..i am a mum,this is not to hurt you,,but shareing a baby is something else,,i would have gone as soon as i knew of that,,dont do this to your self..you are the only one hurting,,not him..they are happy with there familys..look how hurt we are,,if there marridges were that bad,they would leave,,as i say,,even if he left,which he wont,,you will never be happy..the damage has been done to you,,as it was to me,,it cant work,,you know this deep down..dont wait for him to walk..you do it for you my love..i still hurt somedays,and i do miss him,,but do i miss a liar and a cheat..do i miss someone that skillfully lies to his wife and children,,NOOOOOOOOOO i dont..would i trust him in life,,nooooo,would he take care of me,and put me 1st..noooooooooo,,sad isnt it..we love these bastards that just dont give a toss what they are doing to us..i swear i will never look bk now..he is history..you will miss him,,but it does get better,,when you suddenly smile and wake happy,,you will wish you had done it long ago...keep your chin up..be strong and remember you are worth sooooooooo much better than this..love a friend.xxxxx

Apr 19, 2010
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i will try my best
by: Anonymous

thanks for all your support!! i'm trying hard...i know i should break it off cuz he already drove me crazy...i'm not even myself anymore!! i know i have to get out of this or there aint smiles on my face ever again. It will be so hard for me. As of the situation now..i became more obsessive with him...cuz the harder it gets the more you want. i'm trying to change my mentality...i'm really trying...the only way i can get out of this is to completely cut him off my life...delete his phone #, facebook, msn, EVERYTHING! QUIT THE JOB! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING!!! so that i will not have a chance to see his fuck face again...i know i will be so sad...his 2nd child is coming this summer...the date is getting closer...a child that he has with his wife when i was away...the child reminds me how he fucked his wife while i was away and he crossed his heart he will not. I'm sucha fool that i trust that piece of shit! i cant believe i forgave him..wtf is wrong with me?? i'm really trying to get out of this!! i'm trying! it's so difficult!! i know he's lying to me...i know!!!!! i'm in hell!! i'm dying!! omg...i feel so sick!! i'm really trying to get out of this...not that i dunno the consequence of staying with him...but it's just so hard for me!! god...please erase our memories!! i'm in so much pain! my friend, how did you get over the fucker??? i really want a revenge!!!!!!

Apr 17, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

hey you...hope you are ok...i have to dissagree with the new comment that was put..ladys these men have WIFES....ISNT THAT ENOUGH TO KNOW WE ARE BEING USED..TAKE YOUR TIME TO GET OUT SHE SAYS..for wot??to hang on for more heartache,more tears,another year or 2 of your lifes..its crazy to think they are going to give up a whole life....not a chance..put your selfs in there shoes..I WAS BLINDED.as you are now..there is only one way..no 1..you have to be ready..no 2 cold turkey is the only way..no 3.if you want to feel happy and better about your self.you have no other option..it took all i had to walk away..pleading his undyeing,everlasting love,couldnt live without me eh....well where are they now...with there wifes,,bottom line..the wife is no 1.xxxxxx

Apr 14, 2010
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HANG IN THERE! I know how u feel
by: Anonymous

its really hard to let go of something that you use to see yourself in and see yourself in the future with... its a lose - lose situation... your heart is telling you one thing while your mind is losing it... Remember that we all heal differently there is no right or wrong way to go about emotional baggage and this situation. its all in time. Placing a deadline is good but then you are also rushing your feelings until then, making a decision to feel a certain way by your bday when you may be giving on false interpretations of how you feel. You have to go with the flow... know it sounds stupid but you do... take it day by day and build yourself.. rebuild what has been broken in other ways... you are not the first nor the last that will feel this way and its just how we get over it that counts. If its still talking to him in order for you to heal and one day you will go a whole day not speaking to him then thats how u heal. Sometimes its hearing his voice that makes you better to go through the day until one day you wont have to hear it anymore. That day will come when your not full of anxiety and depression. But dont let him run your emotions either try to take control as much as you can... talk to someone, vent, blog, read a book, go get your hair done and your nails, something that will distract you for the time being, anything at this point helps. If you need professional help to have a non bias person then go ahead theres nothing wrong with that, sometimes we need that. And at the end whatever decision you make you will forever be changed, a better person than you were and even a stronger one, so look forward to that. Everyday is a battle but its a step forward because your living it. Be good to yourself. Go to the gym, something, and if you need to hear him or see him then its ok as long as you know what you want and you know that this is your process to heal your heart and mind. You need a PEACE in yourself and your not getting it so try to find it.. its there. We all heal differently, but place yourself first ok... even if its in thought.. it will turn into action later.. take care.

Apr 14, 2010
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thank you
by: Anonymous

thank you for ur support! it's gonnabe so hard for me. I spent the whole day with him today...when he has to leave, i couldn't tolerate my tears..i cried out. I hate myself...my emotion is controlled by him...i hope i'm able to let him go after my bday. I hope i have the strength to do it...i love him so much...i dunno if i could do it. It's so hard to let him go, i'm so afraid! i don't wanna lose him!! i'm in hell..my heart is burning! i'm getting out of my mind...i'm getting crazy!!! =(

Apr 09, 2010
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from a freind
by: Anonymous

Well you are starting to reach that same point i did..it was being sooooooo unhappy with wot i was allowing to happen to me that got me to make my move,,oh yes, you keep reminding yourself of wot this selfish pig has put you through..getting away and putting distance between you is the best thing..it wasnt till i did the same that i started to look at things for wot they were..i know you will meet someone else in the future,someone that will love and cherish you..in a way the guy did me a favour,because now i appreciate not wakeing up with that sinking feeling...i really really loved mine,just like you do..now..i dont want to see or hear from him ever again..i hear he is quite happy,and still in the life he told me was such a sham..they are complete bullshitters..i cant believe i let it happen..you will feel good when you make the strong decision..keep those thoughts alive my friend..in a way they have done us a favour..as we wont ever get involved in this situation again..be strong and prepare..get rid of everything that reminds you,,i changed my mobile and home number,so i was expecting to hear from him..it will hurt for a short time,but i promise you it will pass....good luck my friend..thinking and wishing hard for you.xxxxxxx

Apr 09, 2010
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thank you!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for being there for me! Thanks for the support. At least I know someone out there knows what I'm going through. Even now...my heart hopes he will give up his family for me, but my brain tells he will not. He said he loves me, if he does he wont fuxk his wife. Everytime my heart gets soft, I have to remind what he did to me so I can leave him. It's gonnabe hard i know, that's why i will go on a vacation to force myself not to find him/call him no more. I always thought how happy he will be with his wife and the new baby...but i guess my mentality was wrong, i can't control his happiness...he can be as happy as he want, who cares?? it will not be my business anymore. I will also quit my part time...so i have no more connection with him!! after my bday, I must force myself to let the fuxker go! he is ruining my life! Eversince I've been with him..i lost myself and my happiness!! just 3 more months...I'm done with him!!

Thank you again for your support! Please pray for me, I can do it! And hope everything is going well for you too!!

Apr 08, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

oh that has made me smile..good for you...wot shocked me was how young you are,...you deffinitely do not want to waste any more time...oh there is so much out there for you...you are so right to give your self just that bit of time to get to the point where you cut him off,,i made a few attemps.but got really strong..now ..ime gutted that i wasted 3 preciouse years in total..dont look back once you have done it,,if you do darling you will look back in another 5 years,,and trust me..thats when it gets hard to meet someone..the world is your oyster now,,the same as i tell my son,who is 20..GOODLUCK..WILL WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.LOVE A FRIEND.XXXXXXX

Apr 06, 2010
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Thank you ladies for your support
by: Anonymous

Thank you ladies for your support. I've made up my mind. My bday is in July, after i turned 25...i'm done with him completely. I dun wanna waste my time and my remaining youth...even tho i can't find anyone else...i'm done with him because i deserve more. I really can't tolerate myself being a waiting woman...I deserve more. Sometimes I feel i'm just used...sigh...pls pray for me ladies...I will just give myself and him 3 more months until my 25th bday, then i will be taking a vacation to stay away from this city, so i can use that time to heal and to forget that fuxker...I CAN DO IT BECAUSE I DESERVE WAY MORE! MY MM OUT THERE CAN JUST GO FUXK HIMSELF THEN!!!

Mar 28, 2010
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i know all of your pain
by: Anonymous

Hi i am new to this site, i came across it the same way we all did... looking for answers and support. I have read all your posts and felt compelled to write. I have been with a man for almost 3 years that has a gf was i looking for something, absolutely not. I had gotten out of a long term relationship. I didnt event think i would be here a couple of years later, he got married in Nov 09 through the courts. They have been going out for many years and lived together. I again was not into him like i thought i was, i initiated the break ups i dont know how many times. We are honestly inseparable at times, i was ok with it because i wasnt looking to be with anyone...until now that i have found this out i am totally devastated. We have talked and never has said any of those things that like i dont like sleep with her or i dont want her its just he doesnt let me go. I just told him today in fact that we needed to leave each other that we needed to go on and he needs to commit to the life that he wanted which is not me... he showed up to my house. Still calls still does the occasional texts. I am heart broken, i know what i need to do however, its just hard to do it. Do we have a connection completely, do we have an addiction to each other, immensely. But he is another position in his life. Am i doubting him with things yes and no.... he doesnt need to be here and he knows it. But i also feel that i have to do what my heart wants and is ready to... i am not saying that to stay is the right choice because it clearly isnt, however, all i am saying is that you cant self destruct either, and i feel that there are no right or wrong answers there are just feelings and you need to asses them rationalize, breathe and then take action. Give your heart and mind some time. Like what i am doing, i am still in shock been only a week however, im not ready to let you but i need to, so i am slowly building it up, letting him know each time that i am upset and this is not right and so on... everything in the book, i say. I say it. Choose what is right for you, but dont be blind on what you have either... sometimes you need to just wait it out not to see what happens but to help you heal altogether, its a grieving process and it may take weeks to months to cut it, but let time take it... its ok.

Mar 28, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

hello you...how are you doing??sorry for delay,computer been down..hope you are ok...you know in your heart you have to get rid of everything to do with this man...i dont even know how old you are?BUT DONT LET HIM WASTE ANY MORE YEARS..revenge wont change anything,,i know it feels like makeing him make the decision..but they say if they are going to leave they will do it in the 1st 3 mths.....this guy is going no where darling..you know he is sleeping with his wife,we all lke to think this isnt the case..you would feel so much better in a few mths if you erase him from your life..its been nearly 2 mths for me..yeah i miss him.then i think of the lies and the pain he put me through..you deserve a good man..i know you will get to that point.where enough is enough..stand up and be the woman you are..kick this bastard in to your past''move on my sweet.wake with peace of mind,as i now do.he has made you an angry hurt person.as mine did to me..now..my anger is better,as not livin with the pain.and hurt of being 2nd best..love to you allways..really hope you are ok..xxxxxxxxxxx

Mar 07, 2010
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To my fried
by: Anonymous

Thanks for the quick reply my friend! you're the best!

I'm trying to build my courage to leave him. In the back of my mind, i'm so afraid leaving him, cuz what if he's so happy with his wife after I left? she has everything she wants? and what if he fuxks another woman? when I think of all that my heart hurts like crazy! I can't control myself thinking abt it! I don't know why I'd think of that. I feel myself is so worthless if he can't just go straight back to his wife after I left him and they're so fuxking happy! I know once I break up with him, everything related to him is none of my fuxking business, but when i think he might just go back to his wife and fuxk her again or have a new gf to fuxk/love, i went crazy! I can't handle it! I just can't let go, i know it's my problem, i guess i'm too obsessive and that's why i trapped in the shit now! I tried to give myself a deadline, but it never worked. When he told me he fuxked his wife, I thought I'd be so mad and leave but for heaven's sake I was just mad for a little while and crawl back to him again! I'm afraid of breaking up w/ him cuz i'm sure he will not get me back...in a way i really wanna revenge and that's part of the reason my staying. But afterall I love him so much, I really want him...i dunno how to break up!! everytime when i thought abt his wife is due this sept i wanna cry! how come they can be so happy and she has EVERYTHING but i have nothing except fuxking pain!!! even if i wanna break up with him, i still have to see him from time to time for the next 6 months cuz he's still my dentist and i'm undergoing a treatment that i need to see him every 6 weeks! FML!! i know his will announce his wife's pregnancy soon to the co-workers...i feel like shit...i dun wanna hear anything abt it, i will break down! it's a big wound in my heart that will stay for a long time. The co workers are gonnabe so happy for him and i have to pretend nothing happened between us!! i hate myself so much! i'm in hell in the relationship, everyday i'm worry abt him fxcking his wife! fuxk!!! I know i have to leave him one day, i know, but i'm still hoping he would do something for me. I can't let go my friend, so what if we break up? we are like strangers as we don't know each other? what abt the happy moments between us? I'm never gonna find someone like him again...he's the man that i want. i feel so insecure. How to leave?

Mar 07, 2010
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a friend
by: Anonymous

i wish i could teach..unfortunately its you that has to get to end of your rope...i know that suffocateing feeling very very well..i hated myself too.everyday...you have to realise that the feelings you are getting 24/7 will never change....NOW,i cant stand him..he has now joined face book..another invasion of my privacy..i know in my heart if he loved me and cherished me as he allways pledged,he would have taken that chance to full fill his destiny..wot an ARSEHOLE...they have no guts at all.. darling,he is lyeing to his wife as much as you..the other thing that helped me..was thinking if he spends so much time trying to keep me happy..imagine the lenghts he is going to at the other end..i know its harsh,but the only way is complete cold turkey..NO contact wots so ever..i promise you that one day like me ,you will suddenly realise you havent thought about him for a while..this will get better by the day...its very true wot they say..dump him..if he wants you enough he will come for you..if he doesnt..you have your answer..you will only get out of this when he has brought you to your lowest...allso i was feeding this guys ego..i was makeing him happy..but who was makeing me happy..not bloody him...dont be hard on your self..you just need to take bk control..and be the strong independent lady you were...but you wont be able to do that untill you have cleared your mind...i can not stress to you loud enough how much i know it hurts,,,ive been a few moths now...yeah.. i get my od bad day..but NOT haveing them every wakeing moment is sooooo good..i was getting ill darling..i was bordering anerexia,,..iwas depressed and lived and died by my phone. he told me wot i wanted to hear,,we are there toys,there ego boosters,,imagine being in there lifes,,,they must smile all the way bk to there loveing ,waiting wifes..darling they have the ring on there fingers..even if he did leave[which i promise you he wont]you then have the stress of divorce,maybe kids,,AND THE MASSIVE FEAR HE WILL RETURN TO HER...cant you see sweetheat..ITS A NO WIN SITUATION..YOU NEED TO ERASE HIM FROM YOUR THOUGHTS..EASIER SAID THAN DONE..I KNOW..but you have to keep busy and heal that heavy heart as you go....i wish i could sit with you and talk and help you through...it has actually made me stronger and very determined to keep running towards my future..get rid and if you need someone to talk to,then i am only a message away...ime 40 in june..that was a wakeup call to me allso..i didnt want to look bk in another few years and be in the same posistion on my way to 50...this is your life darling..dont let that git take that away....we are no exception..one thing i had to get my head round,i wasnt with a special case,thinking we were differant from other affairs,,i didnt even see it as an affair,,thats how blinded and brainwashed i was..be strong and take back..love to you allways..from your your friend that TRUELY UNDERSTANDS.XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mar 07, 2010
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To my friend
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for sharing!! please teach me how to leave him!! it's so hard for me! as i said earlier, everyday I think of leaving him but after a few minutes my mind is back again! i hate myself! For him, I became such an ass kisser! fuxk myself! i have to wait for his calls, wait for his txt, kept trying everyday to grab time from him! what the fxck am i??? i'm so mad at myself! why am i doing this?? he doesn't even try to do anything for me! he's an asshole! Why am I trapped with this selfish fuxker?? i know exactly where i at but it's just so hard to let go! I DON'T KNOW WHY!!! I think I just enjoy his company and his warmth...I'm afraid losing him cuz i'm so insecure, w/out him, who will be there?? I'm really trying...please teach me how to leave him!! i'm so attached to him!!! i fear he will fuxk his wife again EVERYONE fuxking day!! i hate this feeling...i'm always so insecure!! fuxk my life!!! it's killing me, i'm so unhappy!! Please teach me how to have the courage to let that fuxker go!!!!! ='(

Mar 02, 2010
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from a friend
by: Anonymous

hello you...i know exactly to the last detail wot you are going through...honestly..i never thought i could do it...but do you know wot,,,this guy took nearly 3 years of my life...even told me he was selling the house..went as far as leaveing me a voice mail,of him and his wife talking to estate agent..again it bought him more time..as i belived him..i phoned the esate agents and pretended to be his wife...they had never heard of him...darling..i hope you find the strenght to tunn your bk once and for all.my heart hurts for you,as i know the pain well..you will get older and find it even harder to love someone else..which wont happen as long as you are still loveing him..ime pretty switched on. and ime no fool..but he had me hook line and sinker..i to hoped someone would come along..and rescue me if you like..but wot got me to end it was...she found something that made her suspiciouse..and do you know wot...this guy that i thought was my all,RAN LIKE HELL.and left me to clean up...it wasnt untill i changed my mobile,and had some time to reflect in my empty wold wot this bastard was doing to me...the misery and heartache was something else..i truely believed he really loved me..all he did was feed on my insecuritys and tell me wot i wanted to hear...do this for you!!!!! sod him...its true wot they say...if they loved us as they say,,they would never want to see us like that...these men will do wot we alow them to do..if you get rid,i promise you with it ,will come resentment,anger,and god..wot the hell was i thinking..ive never had much luck in life..but knew i was worth more than this lyeing.deceitfull arsehole!!!!!! i had never been so skinny.depressed.low self esteeem.even my temper got short,as i was under pressure daily..i worked with him too..he has left now.but still sent flowers,letters, txts.photos..ect...only you can do this...i know how hard it is,,,i hate to say this ,but this guy is just plain selfish darling..pls pls do this and dont look bk..i will check my page often and help you all i can...dont share anyone...one moere thing that helped me.was reading up on men and mistresses...i couldnt believe that these woman were talking about my life..good luck my friend,,thinking of you.xxxxxx

Mar 01, 2010
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I will try my best!
by: Anonymous

To: Anonymous

Thanks for your comment and encouragement! I can tell you that every single day, I think abt breaking it up, but after a few seconds, my heart is back to him again! I don't know wtf is wrong with me! everyday, I hope his wife would find out abt us and she will divorce him, but in the back of my mind i know it's impossible because she's pregnant. These things are killing me everyday! I hate myself! I HATE MYSELF! I guess I enjoy his company and fear I'd never find someone like him, who can give me this feeling, therefore I'm unable to leave him. I'm trying to look for a new boyfriend but NOBODY is good out there!! I hope another decent guy can come asap and save me!! I hate myself for loving this MM so much, I hate myself for being a fuxked up fool who's willing to be his mistress, whom he doesn't think she's a priority. FML!!!! Nonetheless, I WILL TRY!!! I CAN DO IT!!

Mar 01, 2010
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I'm trying
by: Myus

To: Anonymous

Thanks for your comment and encouragement! I can tell you that every single day, I think abt breaking it up, but after a few seconds, my heart is back to him again! I don't know wtf is wrong with me! everyday, I hope his wife would find out abt us and she will divorce him, but in the back of my mind i know it's impossible because she's pregnant. These things are killing me everyday! I hate myself! I HATE MYSELF! I guess I enjoy his company and fear I'd never find someone like him, who can give me this feeling, therefore I'm unable to leave him. I'm trying to look for a new boyfriend but NOBODY is good out there!! I hope another decent guy can come asap and save me!! I hate myself for loving this MM so much, I hate myself for being a fuxked up fool who's willing to be his mistress, whom he doesn't think she's a priority. FML!!!! Nonetheless, I WILL TRY!!! I CAN DO IT!!

Feb 28, 2010
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from a friens
by: Anonymous

sweetheart you do know wot to do....thats why you have taken the time to poor your heart out...i had the same bubble thought,that he wasnt sleeping with his wife...where do our minds go eh!!!!2 babys later,,,this guy is a joke..he may have money to throw around,but that will never make up for the years u waste,and the heartache you go through day and nite..i will never ever forget the pain..but do you know wot...i know a 100% i will never do it again...get rid..listen to your instinct..mine was screaming out loud,i chose to believe my compulsive liar...hate to think others are suffering...only woman who have been here,could begin to know wot its like...i was wakeing up in the nite panicking checking my phone and knowing he was tucked up with his wife and kids..darling there is no other conclusion....other than tell them to piss off!!!!!!!!change your mobile numbers...asap...god its a good feelng to know you got rid of them ,b4 THEY GET RID OF YOU...AND THEY WILL...GOODLUCK TO YOU..HOPE YOU LISTEN TO INSTINCS...DO IT GIRL..FEEL GOOD TODAY.NOT NXT YEAR OR THE YEAR AFTER...LOVE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS.XXXXXX

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