Emotional affair vs Friendship: Is that ‘friend’ starting to play with your emotion?

Before you start let me make one thing clear to you. Emotional affair is actually more dangerous than physical affair. Not to mention it is harder to get out of – addictive huh?

Okay, I remember working in an office where everybody loved to gossip very much. There was this guy (married guy) who seemed to be so close to one particular work colleague of mine.

People have made statements about them, and finally I heard the words said “Oh we’re just friends.” – a very dangerous sentence that links strongly with the term ’emotional affair’ and ‘marriage havoc’.

Ok, it’s not that I didn’t believe the fact that there was nothing going on between them, but it could just be a start of an extramarital affair. Most real physical affair started emotionally as ‘friends’.

In fact, starting to have a special but-we’re-just-friends relationship outside your marriage is more dangerous compared to having a one drunken night stand during an office party.

So whilst having friendships with the opposite sex is a great thing, having emotional affair is not.

The line can sometimes get blurry, so here are some guidelines that separate them both:


1. You love your friend and you can do anything for her, but one thing you cannot do.. you cannot imagine having sex with her. At the very least, if you close your eyes and imagine having sex with your friend…you don’t get turned on. (Okay some friends are good looking and you CAN imagine having sex with her… but you just don’t).

2. You don’t share details of your relationship especially its troubles to your significant friend. Those are just for the same-sex support group.

3. You look forward to catch up with your friend socially, but you don’t keep wanting to see her when you’re with your partner.

4. Your partner knows about your friend, also knows when you are actually catching up with your friend.

5. Your partner supports your friendship with your friend.

6. You don’t daydream and fantasize about your friend a lot.

7. You don’t tend to hide your not-so-good side from your friend. 8. There are more things that your partner knows that your friend doesn’t know of.

9. You don’t think twice to set your friend up with someone, and you feel happy when you see your friend go on dates.

10. You smile when you think about your friend getting married.

Emotional Affair:

1. There is some sort of chemistry attraction developed – even subconsciously. You wonder how it is to kiss your friend or to touch her. You imagine having sex with her.

2. You share details of your relationship to your friend. In fact, you love sharing your trouble and you love it when your friend listens to you so well.

3. You look forward to catch up with your friend even when you are with your partner. You think of your friend some when in the middle of your supposedly romantic night with your partner.

4. Your friend’s name come up way too often in conversations.

5. You hide some information about your friendship from your partner. You lie when asked for information on how you two spent your time together.

6. You find yourself saying the magic phrase ‘But we are just friends’ on many occassion.

7. Your friend knows more intimate things about you compared to your partner.

8. You day dream about your friend a lot.

9. Your partner is unsupportive of your friendship. Somehow this friend of yours bother your partner.

10. You are jealous towards your friend’s date. You secretly hope she will stay together with you rather than finding her true love.

We are all subject to emotional affair, and knowing your vulnerability against it is actually a good thing.

Now as I mention in many of my other articles, attraction is not a choice, cheating is definitely a choice. If you find yourself starting to get trapped into the emotional affair world. Make considerable effort to get out of it.

Remember, office affair, affair with your best friends and other affair doesn’t just magically happen.

It goes through choices – choices that your brain can make. A choice that you can make with clear consequences and risk, whether it is a risk to your marriage, a risk to damage your relationship, or kids.

Read: what to do when you think you are in an emotional affair with someone?

Break Free From Affair - Save Your Sanity and Perhaps Marriage

Sometimes, divorce or leaving your partner after the affair is not as simple as it sounds. People, especially women have feelings and deep inside you may (or may not) crave for your old husband, the one who you fell in love with, whom you marry in the first place. What if divorce is not an option for you?

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