Men (or women) get involved in an extramarital affair for many different reasons.
Sometimes when you are unsatisfied with your relationship you start to think “What is available out there?”
In a way it is an escape, you feel like you want to be out from the burden in your marriage.
“Grass is greener on the other side” – and so it seems.
You start flirting with others, innocently at first. You start THINKING of ‘what ifs’ situations such as ‘what if I’m married to this colleague of mine?’..
Forgetting one thing can lead to another, slowly bringing yourself into an extramarital affair – trapping yourself to another problem.
You realise it is not a good thing, you realise this temporary escape of cheating does not bring happiness.
But once you’re involved, it’s not easy to get out. In some cases people get very attached to their significant others – making the choice between two partners is just impossible – not to mention it is addictive.
So what to do?
How to get yourself out from an extramarital affair?
1. Repeat this ten times a day: “Cheating is a choice. It is up to ME to stop it”.
This is the first thing you need to realise when you want to get yourself out from any extramarital affair. There is simply nothing to control you.
Yes you cannot help wanting to meet your significant other – after all you have become emotionally attached somehow. But whether or not you end up meeting him/her is definitely YOUR choice.
2. The longer I procrastinate, the harder my life will be.
You need to make a decision now. Do you want to leave your marriage? or do you want to stop cheating on your partner? – no matter how attached you are to your ‘significant other’.
I don’t know how entangled your situation is right now, but the longer you keep cheating on your partner, the harder it is for you.
Your spouse will (If he/she hasn’t already) start to smell something isn’t right, and start watching your every move. Your ‘significant other’ get more and more attached to you – it’s not long until she wants you for herself.
3. Stop being selfish!
It is very hard for you to choose between the two partners. Leaving your marriage is tempting to embark on a new life – but it has been proven that less than 5% of relationships born out of an affair will work.
Leaving your secret partner is easy because you have already settled in your marriage – but you don’t want to lose the excitement it offers. You also contemplate ‘what if he/she’s really the one for me?’
Realise how selfish your action is toward BOTH partners.
To your spouse – it is not fair cheating on her/him no matter what your reason is.
To your secret lover – it is not easy having a secret relationship (See Discreet relationships – The ‘other woman’ point of view . Will open in new window).
If you can’t provide all of your heart to your secret lover, then leave before you break somebody else’s heart even more.
Make a decision to either faithfully stay in your marriage or end it.
4. Take actions to stop your extramarital affair.
If you choose to stay with your marriage then choose to WORK on it too.
Start distancing yourself away from your other partner – start moving away physically and verbally first. You can’t suddenly stop thinking of them – human nature says it’s impossible.
But once the physical and verbal contact is cut, the emotional attachment will soon follow.
If your extramarital affair is with a work colleague, minimize contact to business related only.
Start working on your marriage and start believing that YOU can be faithful to your partner/spouse.
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