When it comes to extramarital affairs, situations can be very complicated as both have commitment ring attached to their ring fingers.
This is especially true as when you are married your relationship can involve a lot more people – more mutual friends, merging of both families, even kids. Even so, statistically cheating is one of the biggest problems that can happen in a relationship.
I remember back in the days when I started my first job, I had a colleague who soon enough became a close male friend. He was supposed to be just a platonic male friend (Of course, he was married).
Days go by and it wasn’t long until I realize that he was hitting on me (and a handful of other women – talk about a series of extramarital affairs). Yes even though I KNEW he was married. I was single at that time so I wasn’t backing out from any of his advances until one day I just snapped. No really, it feels like I had somebody hitting my head with a big hammer or something.
‘Hey why are you doing this? I mean you’re married!’ Now surprisingly he gave me all reasons and excuses why he thought I was ‘the one’, and not his wife.
‘I don’t know if I am going to last long with her’, ‘we never have sex anymore’, ‘we are never so compatible’…
‘Sometimes, I don’t even know if I’m committing an affair’ … ‘what? Say it again?’
Look, I think everyone in the world knows when they are cheating. Put it simply when you are involved in any of these activities: sending emails when she’s asleep, secret phone calls and or numbers, sneaking around just to visit, secret meeting place or even secret holiday house.
Being a logical person, I normally weigh up advantages and disadvantages before committing to any decisions. I will not deny it, extramarital affair does feel good in the beginning, but why don’t you weigh up the consequences? Ask yourself the question: ‘is it really worth it?’ And usually, even the best part of an affair is very temporary whilst the damages that can be done are huge!
Okay, these are some of the things you will say in the beginning of the affair:
1. Ooh it is so exciting and dangerous – imagine what would happen if my wife/husband finds out. 2. I feel like I’m back in my 20’s again! 3. I don’t know why and how other men resist to this mysterious secret affair 4. She’s ‘the REAL one’ for me, why don’t I just leave my wife altogether? 5. He’s so understanding and caring…unlike my husband who can’t even cook!
Well, what usually happens after a short while later? (When you start getting used to the affair)
1. I don’t know what happens if I get caught! What if my kids know? 2. I am risking my marriage and the reality is: I don’t have a chance to compete to those who are really in their twenties 3. What if my secret partner can’t keep a secret? 4. I’m going to hell! And if karma comes around when she grows up…*looking at your daughter* 5. What if my secret affair is posted on YouTube…facebook…who knows?
If you don’t have those questions, picture it in your head now. Weigh up the good versus the bad before you enter an extramarital affair. Another thing is, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. What if you are the one being cheated on? How would you feel?
Some people might need things to be written in black and white? Okay well get a pen and write things up in a piece of paper. Put what the advantages you can get from your extramarital affair versus the disadvantages. Stick to fact!
Look, you maybe are just in the stage of being tempted to cheat?
Or you probably are involved already. Weigh all this up, or if you KNOW you are committing to an affair and you just don’t know how to get out.. make sure you read: Extramarital affairs: How to get out of it?
And lastly, for women who are involved with someone else’s husband. Make sure you read this article: ‘Involved with a cheating husband, will he leave his wife for you?’ I have specifically written this with you in mind, and so don’t skip it especially if you KNOW you are doing wrong…but you just can’t get out of it.