Falling for a man living with his girlfriend - Help!

by Beth
(Ireland)

Hi - I met a man about 4 months ago through mutual friends. We hit it off instantly and share a wonderful connection. He told me straight away that he had got back with his girlfriend just 2 weeks before and expressed his frustration that he hadn't met me before. It is completely against what I believe in but my feelings were that strong that I did stay in touch with him. He suggested that we meet up just to see what it was all about and I guess to validate what we felt. And it did!

I then made the mistake of continuing to meet him - each time, we discussed the situation he was in and how I should, "Bare" with him whilst he sort it out. The fact is he is in a bad relationship - I know this through our mutual friend and they have broken up repeatedly in the past. His, 'Excuse' is that he is about to embark on a 7 month trip away with the forces and in his own words - "It is unfair to expect anything from either of us so near to his deployment." He lives with his current girlfriend and he is her life - She has few friends - Again something I know for a fact. That said, if I was that special to him, surely his feelings would override all of that?

I have told him I cannot wait for maybes and that I do not want any further contact with him as it is clear I need to forget him for the time being. This is proving so hard and he does keep trying to get back in touch. We did meet a few days ago as he is due to leave tomorrow - He said that he understands that I cannot wait for him and admitted that he is a weak man and I get the feeling he is hoping that his current relationship will not last his tour. Nevertheless, he didn't even say - Wait for me - It is only 7 months - as I was anticipating!

My advice to anyone even thinking about getting involved with an attached man is to simply leave them alone UNTIL they are available. If they are truly in a bad relationship, they will want to get out of it and YOU shouldn't be the catalyst for that.

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