Hes My Best Friend and I can't let go

by Angela
(NJ)

My story is simple really I met him when I was 18 so 13 years ago we met in college. He was my best friend and I didn't see that he loved me more that when he was giving me gifts for Valentines day it meant more to him or I just chose not to see it. He also comes from a wealthy family Dad is VP of a major cosmetic company. That played a part in me not wanting to be with him. He brought me to his house a few times and each time he had to beg. It was a mansion and I felt like I was beneath him. We continued our friendship he went into the navy and I didn't think anything of it. He would visit me and sleep over and we would cuddle and sleep together. I put off his advances I used every excuse in the world but the real one.

The one where I believed I was beneath him. One night He left my house in the middle of the night to go to a bar with his friends and thats where he met his wife. They dated but he never said it was serious. He got deployed and we emailed all the time I still have them. Apparently we were very open with our love. He emailed me and said he had something important to tell me but never did. New Years Eve 2004 I called him to say happy new year and what i got was a broken heart. He said I got married.. I hung up and didn't talk to him for months. I didn't know why. Until I realized I was in love with my best friend.

A couple years later water under the bridge he came to sleep at my house when he was home. Never spoke of his wife. Asked if he could sleep in my bed. I said sure not thinking anything of it he was my best friend. We were lying down and he was holding me and i went to turn and he kissed me. I didn't let it go further because he was a good man and I didn't want him to be a cheater so I stopped. I got pregnant by my ex and his wife got pregnant. I didn't see him again until 2010. He friended me on facebook. I asked him to come see me. I was nervous I don't why. I got all dressed up. He came to see me and it was different. He asked if he could take me to the movies the next day I said yea.

That was the start of our affair. It was long and hard. He said he would leave but then he would go home and see his daughter and get sad. I got pregnant and he was happy and then I misccarried and he took it badly. That was the turning point something in him changed. It was bad after that. Eventually I told his wife. Me and him stopped talking for 6 months. It was heart breaking cause i needed my friend.

April 26th of this year on Easter he texted me. He wanted me in his life. Again it would be secret because she never told anyone he cheated for fear her parents would throw him out of the house because yes they live with her parents she refuses to live on base or move out. So we started out again. It was different though. He was making so much time for me I saw him 3 or 4 times a week and he slept over a few nights. One night we had a break through where we talked and talked and it was nice and we laughed and he looked at me like he was in love with me.

I am not nor should I be mistress to my best friend. I told him this. I told him if he loved me he would leave. That at first it will hurt but over time it will be better. This is where we are now. I am not mean but I am different then I was the first time. I would have told her in a heart beat. But to do it twice I don't think he would forgive me. And he forgives for last time he says he put me in a bad situation.

Noone knows this time. Im alone in this and hes all I have to talk to. Before everyone knew my family and friends because everyone thought he was gonna leave. I'm stuck I really am because I can't let go and he won't either. He risks his marriage still everytime he sees me but won't risk it all. I just needed to write this because I'm so tired of keeping it in

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