I need courage to get out.....

by carolina
(canada)

I am 41 years old. been having a love affair with married man for almost 2 years. he is 56 yrs old - 15 years older than me. I met him through social function.
In the past 2 years, we are basically so much in love. We are so much alike. We think the same, we could talk for hours. We text for hours every night.
He said, he deeply in love with me and never met anyone like me before. Same with me, I never met anyone as romantic, as sweet, as loving as he is. I love head over hells over this man.
In the beginning, he told me that he has been unhappy with his 28 yrs of marriage. He felt lonely and needed a friend. Now... we are lover - partner - soul mate - best friends - in every way.
He opened my eyes about the world... he changed me, and made me into this confident woman. People say I am very beautiful, but now, my confidence shines. I know my confidence shine, because I am loved by him.

We meet only once a week. Every saturday when his wife goes to work. for about 3-4 hours. Sometimes, twice a week. Rarely.
Our sex life is fantastic.... he said he never had sex with his wife ever since he met me. I never believe that.
During 2 years, although we have such an unbelievable love affair, and yet, we broke up so many times because the emotional tolls and the arguments were too much. I keep pushing him to make decision. he wanted me to wait. I wait..and I wait...
so many times he bailed our time together, just because his wife was there. Last ocassion... 2 weeks ago. We had planned to have time together on the weekend. It was a sunny beautiful day, a day that I've been waiting for for so long... and he bailed, because he spent it outside with his wife...

He told me...he wanted to be with me. He wanted to marry me....but he said, of course he needed to leave his wife first. He kept telling me he would leave his wife "soon". But that "soon" never came....
in the beginnng, he said he needed time because he needs more money to support himself. Now he has more money.... he still couldn't do it...
Lately, when the clock really ticking and he has discussion with her, he told me... that basically he couldn't do it. He just couldn't have the heart to do it. He said it would destroy her. but he know he needs to do it because he really want to be with me. he said, he needs more time. How long should I wait ?

I sacrifice so much for him. I would make my time free, just so i can accomodate our time together whenever he can. He never see it that way. If i said it, he would selfishly said "well, i never asked you to do it ". I know he never asked me that... but i really wanted to spend time with him.
During our broke up before... i barely lived. I cried non stop. My emotional level now has drastically changed. Many times, when I got so frustrated with him, of his unability to make decision, or not put me on the bottom of totem pole, i would got so frustrated that i feel like i'd rather die.
I feel so depressed. I try to be cheerful. but deep down... i am suffering. so much.

Not only he's married.... when he's angry and when we have our fights... he had no issue of giving me emotional torture, or threaten me, or calling me names. I know he is selfish and mean. He admitted to me that yes, he is a selfish man. and just take the easy road. I don't know why i am so in love with him and that i can't break free from him.
I feel so down.... countless times i would sob and sob and sob... feeling so low and feel rather die. But then, when we make up again, he would be the sweetest loving man again, who look me deeply with his hazel eyes... and say all those loving words and promises to me. And I would fall again... back into his arms. Stupid eh ? and the most pathetic one.... despite he cause the issue or I cause the issue, I would be the one that apologizing and say "I'm sorry", just because i don't want to lose him.

His wife knows about us... She found out about us a year ago, but she begged him not to leave... they veen married now for almost 30 years....
Only one thing that keep me hanging there. Because i love him. so much. But is it worth it ? I dont know. Would I be only the statistic ?

In the past 2 years, it's been the happiest moments on my life and yet, ironically, i've never cried as much as i had before in my entire life. I barely sleep now. I am so stressed out, thinking, if or when he would leave his wife.

People said I am beautiful... and i would be easy to find another man. But i just can't.... i close the door for every man that approach me. I would look for this MM on other men....
Not only that.... He is a VERY jealous man. In his eyes, I must accept him still sleeping in the same bed with his wife, but it's not acceptable for me to even go out with male friend socially. He woudl be so jealous that his jealousy eating him all up. I remembered he drove away one time , leaving me in the cold after i admitted i have friendship with a male friend.
What shoudl I do ? i know i should leave.... but I don't have the courage to do so. I would feel so lonely.... my life would be so empty.
but at the same time, i know that this situation destroying my confidence. my self esteem, and my emotional health.

I guess.... i am just a very lonely girl, that deeply in love with the wrong man. I just don't have any courage to end it...... The thoughts of not having him in my life... is unbearable.... I can't do it....
It's like...living without water, or air....
I just still dreaming... and hoping ...he would leave his wife and be with me......

I know I feel so pathetic. I feel so stupid. and yet... i can't break lose from him....
Help....

Comments for
I need courage to get out.....

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Mar 11, 2012
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Another update from my affair NEW
by: Carolina

Here I am.... still in the same position since 2.5 years ago. So many things have changed. but one thing remains the same. He still can't leave his wife.

The funny thing is... he introduced me with his mother. I met her few times already and even spent a day together, and one day also went for lunch together. She likes me and wanted her son to finalize the situation asap. His brother also knows about our relationship. Not only that. Now he point blank goes seeing me and spending time with me, with his wife knows about it !
so, basically he keeps 2 strings at the same time. Me and his wife.
I don't know. I am so confused. He said he loves me, and recently he texted me and said he couldn't even imagine life without me, and he is determined to separate from his wife. and yet, action speaks louder than words.
So many times he would hurt me by his actions. It's unbelievable the way he treat me when he is being selfish. About 1.5 month ago, his 16 year old son went away for ski trip, and it left him and his wife alone at home. Me and him had planned to spend a day together, and even to go for dinner together. But when the day came... he said he needed to bail, because he needs to "SUPPORT" his wife emotionally while their son was away for ski trip. He said she was worried sick about their son being away. Seriously. I was so choked with this STUPIEST excuse ever. Give me a break. He bailed our plans because he needed to be home to pat his wife's hand, while their son was having fun on ski trip ? are you kiddin me ?
When I remember this... I still can feel stab of pain and anger inside of me.
So many times he would bail our plan. He basically DOESN'T care of what I feel at all.
and yet, I can't break free from him.
It's ONE EXCUSE to another. Let alone to leave his wife from their marriage. He can't even leave his wife alone when their 16 year old son went out for ski trip !!!

Feb 22, 2012
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Wasting time NEW
by: roy

You're letting this guy have his cake and eat it dear.Because you don't want to date an AVAILABLE man.That's why you feel like a fool.As soon as you start dating AVAILABLE men then this jerk will become last weeks newspaper,he'll become less important.As long as you stay involved with this ass you are letting him have what he wants,SEX.That's what he's USING YOU for.And yes he's still having sex with his wife too.Don't think he is not!!Time to see him for what he is A USER! Drop this player like a bad habit.You'll feel alot better about yourself.I'm sure you will.....

Feb 22, 2012
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Are we the same person? NEW
by: Anonymous

If I didn't know better I would think we are in the same relationship with the same man. I've been with my MM for almost 3 years and we have the exact same arguments with the same results. I constantly apologize. He is never wrong. I am made to feel like I am always in the wrong for the way I feel. He keeps saying he is going to leave his wife because he hasn't been happy for years. (He says way before he met me and if he leaves her it'll be for him not for me...). He makes me feel beautiful and confident. Many men have approached me as well but I act like they are non-existent. When he gets mad at me he calls me horrible names and says he doesn't need me yet when he's happy he tells me the most kind things a man can tell a woman. He's a charmer and a con-man but I'm so hooked. I just read Forgetting Mr. Married this morning and I'm trying to get the determination to leave him. But I fear my life without him. He works away from home so I spend most of the time with him except when he has to go home to his family. He doesn't care how much I hurt. He says I knew what I signed on for when we started the relationship. Neither of us knew we would fall so hard for each other though. I appreciate your situation because I'm in it. I wish you the best. I hope someday we both find the happiness we so desire.

Dec 07, 2011
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use your head NEW
by: rudy

You need to know that this guy is all talk,and he's playing you like a desperate fool.If you have any self respect you need to trust what you know is the right thing to do and get the hell out of this foolish situation,I know it's easier said than done.So get strong and get out of this no win situation.Life is short,you're wasting your efforts on this idiot dear.....

Dec 07, 2011
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Run honey run NEW
by: rudy

You're short changing yourself with this bum Big Time.You're not going to get anything other than used with this situation.Get Out of this BS drama relationship.All this time you're wasting with this bum,you could of already been with an Available guy.He is NOT available,so run away from this one honey.Life is too short to be wasting your precious time with this scum bag.Staying involved with this loser will only bring you disappointment and heartache.

Dec 06, 2011
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Good luck NEW
by: CeCe

I am going through this right now and its only been a yr since we have been together and he is the exact same way, jealous the whole nine yards but I told him that I am not going to just subject myself to just only him and I will date and either he deals with it or he can go. But I understand exactly what you are going through, I am just not doing any crying or sobbing about because I have to live my life as well as he does. So good luck!!!

Nov 10, 2011
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Time is to precious,move on
by: Anonymous

You need to find out why you're attracted to what you can't have.When you're wasting precious time on him you could be making yourself available to someone who IS available.He is definately playing you for whatever he can get out from you.Don't let him have his cake and eat it.Time to move on sweety.Change your # and don't answer his e-mails.I know it's easier said than done.The reality is you're not getting any younger and time goes by to fast.

Sep 21, 2011
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get out today
by: Anonymous

I think you need to take the counselling that has been offered as you are going to end up mentally ill.
And because of a man who doesn't deserve you.
You need to get out NOW.
Be brave, your anger is justified but you need to take control of your life.
Read, re-read and read again all of the stories here. They help enormously.
You are not alone.
So get out fast, today.
Good luck!!

Sep 17, 2011
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Please
by: Anonymous

Please get out of this. This man is nothing but a self serving selfish asshole who is using you and his wife. He is stealing your soul and you are allowing it every day you stay.

You have the power to get out, YOU. Please!


Sep 05, 2011
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an update of my story
by: carolina

here i am....writing the update of my story, with so much emotion that i Have in me. I feel... there is a very thin line between love and hate. I have so much love for this MM, and yet... in times like this, I feel so much hate and I don't like feeling like this.
He has been going to marriage councellor with his wife. He claimed, it was her demand. He went there, to show her, and to point his finger, that the marriage didn't work out because of her. He wanted to get out. and yet... nothing changed. He told me he wanted to break it slow with her. He claimed, he didn't want to destroy her. In the other hand...he is actually destroying me. He keeps bailing me.... put me on the bottom of his totem pole. I am not even the 2nd of his life. He would promise...make plans... then bails. million of times. When I got angry, he would point his finger to me "Why you are like this ?". He never realize the depth of hurt he has caused....
I feel i can't breath. I sucked every pain and hurt that he caused. Lately, my emotion has taken its toll. I would punch the pillow, over and over again, just to release my anger and frustration. i joined kickboxing fitness class, to release the anger. I know this is not good at all. I hate the person I turn into. and I started to hate him. and yet... I still love him. i'm so confused.
Physically, I am sick. I could feel my heart is so painful that I can't breath.
My boss notice the changes in me. he suggested councelling. I never told him the truth of what happened in my life. I wish I could have someone to talk to. I know the answer to all of this. I need to leave. I need to get out. Before I got destroyed even more.
I need to talk to someone.... before I gone crazy. now... this affair has taken its toll on me.
FOR ANY GIRL OUT THERE, that just in a beginning of relationship with MM, do NOT, I repeat : DO NOT get into this. RUn as fast as you can.... Had I known the effect of this affair in me, I wish I had run... as far as I could. For once... I wish, I never met him. I wish I could erase the existance of him in my life. For once, I wish I never loved him......

Sep 03, 2011
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omg !!!!!!
by: lola

i feel for u hun this is my life right now but 4 years deep n i cant deal any more i changed from it all its made me a dif person n i hate that person :( its so not worth it !!!! im waiting 4 years i hope u find the courage hun good luck

Aug 02, 2011
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you can do it
by: A fool

Leave now. Heal. Free yourself to be with a man who can give you 100%. MM are all talk. Do it for you. Do it for his wife. You both deserve better.

In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:

Will the Cheating husband EVER leave his wife?

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