I Never Thought I'd Have an Affair, but......
I'd just transferred to a different office and I had yet to meet my new manager. Then one day, someone introduced me. And WOW! It felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on my head and I was instantly hooked on him. His eyes, his hair, his lips, his voice.......Everything. He looked like some sort of wonderful dream. I was in trouble and didn't even know it.
Big trouble. I am married. He is married. Electromagnetic attraction beyond description. Bad news.
Little did I know that this was the beginning of the most exciting, heart wrenching, and devastating experience of my entire life.
Oh, yes. I was attracted to him. And strangely enough, he seemed to be attracted to me also. I tried so hard to avoid him for a long time. But then....Sometimes I'd need to meet with him. Silly me, I tried to make sure that either another party was present or that the door was open or something. Because I didn't feel okay about being alone with him with the kind of attraction I had for him. Didn't trust myself at all. I couldn't transfer somewhere else, the economy was bad and how could I get such a good job somewhere else? I was stuck with him. Often, I ask myself how I could have handled the situation differently. But I still haven't figured that out.
We didn't really get involved while we worked together. But we flirted a little bit. And, one day, he seemed very, very happy when I admitted to him that I felt more than a little uncomfortable around him because I was very much attracted to him. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have admitted that. But he threatened to get me in trouble for avoiding him, so I didn't know what else to do.
Then I decided to transfer to another office. This man was very angry with me for transferring. But I really felt it was best. I thought I was in the clear, out of trouble.
But this is where the trouble started.
We started emailing each other. Flirting with each other. And I admitted to this gorgeous man that I was terrified about where this was heading. Bad mistake in telling this man my fears. He told me he wanted to come see me. And we could be physically involved. I was so scared! I broke things off with him. But I didn't find the strength to stay away and I began contact with him. We'd call and email each other.
Then I went out of town on business. I was near him. I told him I was near him. He came to see me and we finally got to be together. It was so exciting to me because I am so attracted to him and he told me and seemed so attracted to me. But afterward, I was devastated. I'd cheated on my husband big time and I felt horrible about it.
Once again, I found a way to break things off with the man. I even told my husband (in retrospect this may have been unwise). But this only lasted for a couple of months.
Two months later, when I was out of town on business, I ran into this man. We didn't speak. But he called me about a week later at the hotel I was staying at. He said he wanted to just talk. But we wound up becoming physical once again.
So, unfortunately for me and for my husband, I still haven't found my way out of this affair. It is truly the most devastating experience of my life. So painful. I don't know how to get through it. When I'm near this man, I feel like I can't help myself. Like I've just gotta have him.
But I realize I am not powerless over my attraction to him. I must find the power and self control somewhere within myself. I'm still searching for these things. And I hope to be all the way over this man....And quick! My husband and children are so important to me, so I must find a way to get all the way out...
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