I think I may be the STUPIDEST OW EVER!!!!
by Vacation Wife
One year, 3 months and several break-ups to make-ups later...and he's still with her. Well, not physically, of course because they had to move to his mothers house but there wasn't enough room so she's living with her aunt. Oh and its all just temporary because he just got a new job see and she's not working(the lazy B) so they couldn't get the house. But when they do get it, she only has six months to get her stuff together and leave because he doesn't see his self with her anymore, but is only staying married right now ... "for his son's sake". Oh and BTW, he just told me that he has a daughter only 2 years older than his son that was produced during his engagement to his current wife...but guess what? She doesn't know so he must REALLY love me, because he told me about the other child and not his wife...ha ha! So I'm really special, right?
Oh and he loves my kids....just loves them all to death. Buys them toys, got them a TV, plays with them, buys them movies, cooks their favorite foods...oh honey..he is ALL THAT!!! OK. My daughter even asked him if he was her new daddy...now ain't that cute? HELL NO!!!!
I see everything in front of me, what he's doing, what he's about, and how he's manipulating not only me, but my kids too. And right now I feel like the worst mother ever...for ever allowing this man into my kids life. I've never let my kids see me date another man after me and their dad split. But I fell HEAD OVER FUCKING HEELS in love with this selfish, narcissistic, inglorious bastard! I hate him as much as I love him and wish he would just leave me the hell alone because I'm too fucking weak to walk away from him and mean it.
I've cheated on him several times. He knows about two. I've left him several times...only to be coerced and manipulated back to his evil, slimy clutches. Then I dissolve into hours of fantastic love-making and I'm in love all over a-fucking-gain. I really want my kids to forgive me...because, no, he will not be your new daddy. And they are so starved for the attention, love and affection that only a father figure can provide...seeing as though their father is a certified schizophrenic who can't even care for a goldfish.
Now I ask myself...why, how, when did this get so deep for my children? Now not only do I have my broken heart to deal with...I have theirs too. Because I know deep in my soul..this cannot go on. IT CANNOT CONTINUE!!! I swear I really don't know what's holding me to him...WHY CAN'T I LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! And I really want to so bad. I feel so stupid, weak and foolish for allowing this to go this far.
He says he loves me. Says he's getting divorced but doesn't want to do the whole "dating" thing and me and him are soul mates. I just have to give him time to get his self together. How much freaking time do you freaking need? All the while...Im here sitting like a dutiful wife, waiting on my husband to come home...OMG..really?
I hate myself so much right now..really, I do. He doesn't talk to me in the evenings anymore because this new job has him so exhausted that all he can do is eat, shower and sleep. But the next morning tells me about how late he stayed out drinking with his brother and cousins. Look hun, I get it. Im a piece on the side. THIS... is your vacation home. Im your vacation wife, and these three youngins here...they are your vacation kids.
Lord help me!
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