I thought I was smarter than that

by Maria
(UK)

I am a professional, intelligent and beautiful woman. Was with my husband for 17 years, since I was 21. I have never thought that there would be any possibility for me to end in something like this as I just was not 'that' type of woman. Only the bravest of men try to approach me but never succeeded.
Until one day when I started a new job and there was this man, just being close to him I was shivering and wanted to leave to avoid the situation. It was in both ways. I would never wanted to do this at work, and also held a sensitive post so this lasted 2 years while we were just watching each other and exchanged few words only. But the attraction was just unbelievable, we never experienced something strong like that before.
As I decided to move on after 2 years found another job, only then he realised that it is time now or never and asked me to have 1st coffee with him. Coffee lasted forever, then lunch which was left completely uneaten, as we just had so much to say and could not keep looking away from one another.
During the following year we had few coffees, lunches and been intimate few times. Every moment with him was incredible. For him also was the first time to do this and it was very obvious when we were for the first time together - he was trembling while undressing me. He is also married and in relationship also for 17 years with issues as it normally is. I never wanted to know them as it is nothing to do with me. We never discussed possibility of leaving our marriages, we have too kids each and to me this would not be an option.
We knew that we needed to break off with each other as it was slowly taking tall on our marriages. We decided to meet for the last time and that would be it. However, the things went the other way. He sent me an email (this was our only means of communication)that his wife became very suspicious bc there were lot of incidents lately and he was daydreaming a lot so he will have to change his focus and put HER in his focus to save marriage. Ok that's what we planned to do anyway bit I was unhappy that he has done this via email and wanted to have a proper closure. He said to give him time to calm the situation at home and he will meet with me. I felt terrible bc I felt it is not what he wants/needs right now and being proud decided to say that I am ok and do not want to see him for that talk. I was so angry by the choice of words FOCUS, how can he just change his feelings overnight and women in his head and told him so. There was no reply.
I was so scared for my marriage and if he admits to her and sent him another email to promise not to say anything about us, after which he was still quiet.
I was going crazy what is happening there and why is he not replying to me.
I wrote him to say I don't want a response please go and forget but why couldn't you give me this little peace of mind?
He only wrote: We are fine, seriously. Now you can relax :)
What a slap in the face. I hated him so much.
I was so hurt by the choice of his words, why does he want to hurt me? I never wanted anything from him, we were just going to end it nicely anyway (and that on my initiative). Why to spoil everything now at the end. I had so many questions, but it was obvious he needed his space away from me.
I was never treated by anyone like this and decided to just say final words to him and wrote: With your last note you made very easy for me to forget you. Please you also forget that you ever knew me and that you could even touch a woman like me. Now you can relax too! I know maybe I shouldn't have gone to his level but I was so angry and hurt. It's been a week now and no response from him. I've made up my mind that I will never contact him first again.
People say never say never, but this had cost me so much in my life, but at least is over as the price could have been much higher.
I will never understand why he could not end it nicely. I wanted nothing from him but that closure and he knows that I have husband who loves me and ok marriage unlike him. I just want my life back as it was before him, will it ever be the same? :(
It is so scary how people can suddenly change.
I though I was smarter than this.
M.

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