If I could turn back time..

by Donna
(Portland, Or.)

He was sure to be mine. All mine. We were bound to be one of the 1% of the couples that make it to a relationship AND have a successful relationship at that. It was fate. We just met at the wrong time, wrong place. I was married, he was married, but the chemistry was too right to be wrong. We couldn't deny it. So we went with it.

If only I knew then what I know today I would have never answered his request to get my phone number so we could "just talk about family stuff" since we had so much in common.

Our affair started as an emotional one. Then turned very physical about 5 months into it. Became the biggest roller coaster ride I had ever been on. Yet I couldn't get off of the roller coaster. I was addicted to the ups. I was willing to accept the awful, dreaded downs as long as I could feel the ups that came less and less as the affair went on.

I could go on and on about the details of the affair. They are very juicy, sexy, explicit, sad, exciting, angering, and so very real, sadly.

We did become part of the 1% that ended up in a relationship. Life was so good. We were both on cloud 9. In a relationship. He was going through with his divorce, papers ready to go, just needed the money to file. I was already divorced due to other issues within my marriage that had nothing to do with the affair. In fact, my ex-husband never found out. His wife did find out, however, but that's a whole other nightmare of a story in it's own. But we made it through. We were obviously meant to be, right?

It's now been almost 6 years since I saw what I thought to be the most beautiful man walk by me at work. Little did I know I was doomed.

He is now back with his wife. After the last year of lies, more betrayal, me losing just about everything I held dear I am alone and he is with his wife. She took him back after he learned I would not take care of him anymore and put up with his laziness, lack of self respect, not knowing how to hold down a job, etc..

They are both miserable. He has made attempts to bring me back into his life and help his marriage by giving him what she doesnt give him. But I refuse. I am moving on without him, as hard as it is.

I have learned that what we had was nothing but fantasy. None of it was real. We learned very quickly once we got into a relationship that we weren't so compatible, not to mention he was VERY lazy and not the man of my dreams that the affair led him on to be.

My affair is the one of the hardest things I have had to go through, and I swear on my life I will NEVER believe another married man when he asks for my phone number in such an "innocent" manner.