by De Yeggmans
I met him three and a half years ago on MyYearbook (now called MeetMe). I knew right away that he was married but I wasn't looking for anything but friendship. We talked and talked and talked...all the time. We are exactly alike, two peas in a pod. We even joke around that maybe we are long lost twins or something (we look like we could be). I don't know exactly when it happened but I fell in love with him. Six months later we met in person and have been in a love affair ever since. We have been through a lot of horrible things together in that time, probably much more than most couples have seen in many years of marriage. I suspect the things that have happened in each of our lives would knock over anyone but we have had each other to lean on. I meed this man and I always thought he felt the same. He has told me countless times that I am his best friend and he is mine.
So here lies my problem. I know he's a cheating husband. I am not so oblivious to the probability that he would cheat on me just as easily. I am not totally sure he is capable of being in a monotonous relationship. I have tried to walk away but so many things keep me with him. The recent loss of both of his parents, being the biggest one. I love him and can't see him suffer any more loss. I know that he can't possibly love me as much as I love him or I wouldn't be the "third party" but I do know that he loves me as much as he is capable of and I know that loosing me would be another devastating blow to him. I don't know that he could take much more.
With that said, I now know that I am someplace I have no business being. I know that he will never be able to fully commit to me. But how can I walk away from him now? He is already in so much pain but I am too. I don't sleep anymore, I cry myself to sleep more times than not, I am lonely beyond belief. Plus, I can't help thinking that if I walk away, I would walking away from my best friend to. Who would I talk to about that. If all that isn't bad enough, I have horrible guilt about his wife. You know that at various times I considered trying to help him reconnect with her. ....rebuild his marriage. I started figuring out that he wasn't capable of walking away from her and I couldn't stand the thought of him being miserably married forever so mayne I could help him to find the love they once shared. It turns out though, I may ne too selfish for that, although, jury is still out on that.
I know that there is no empathy for the "third party" but my heart is broken over this to and I do feel completely hopeless
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