in denial

by hopeful
(san antonio, texas, us)

I've been seeing a married man for almost 6 yrs. I can't say dating, because we have never been out on a date. The longest time I have spent with him were 4-5 hours and that wast the first month we met (time included falling asleep without intercourse). We are not always intimate(almost never really). We are sexually attracted to each other, but that's not what drives me. I can't say that he loves me since he wont say it.

I have not been with only him throughout the years and he has never claimed not to be intimate with his wife. I have tried to leave but he won't let me go. He tells me he is not gonna give up that easily. In the past two years, he has been the only man in my life however, we have not had intercourse in over 2 yrs. I have pleasured him but thats about it. I'm the kind of women that puts her man first and doesn't care for oral being reciprocated.

He is very passionate, kind and loves to listen to me. He has this way about him that brightens up any room when he's around. My heart aches everytime I think about him because I know that he is not mine and will probably never be so this is why I am writing my story.

I don't understand what it is about our relationship that keeps us coming back to each other. My world brightens up and I am prepared to put the rest of my world on hold just to hear his voice. I have no real stories to tell because there aren't any. We have never been out in public. I hate that I'm in love with someone who has never shown me love in return. I guess its because he has never made me feel like sex is the only thing that defines us. We can be around each other and just talk. I asked him why he wont let me go and he claims that he loves to talk and just be around me. Other things like I'm beautiful and perfect...blah blah blah. I knew him for two years before we had intercourse. I only saw him 4-6 times a year at best. Most of the time, it was me calling him. Now, its the other way around. Although, I send him emails more that I should, but its just to keep him busy. He is in the military and is serving his first tour in Afghanistan so my emails, he claims, give him something to come back to.

I tried leaving him but I felt absolutly horrible that I couldn't see myself hurting him whether its his ego or heart. My fear is that my leaving him will upset him out there and I don't want to feel responsible if something happened to him because of the distress I caused. I have told him that I would wait forever for him, but I dont know if thats fair to me since he has not shown any sign that he is willing to leave his wife to build a relationship with me.

In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:

Will the Cheating husband EVER leave his wife?

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