Moving on from the most painful heartache

Do you feel used and rejected but loved and care for at the sametime? Here's my story- I have met a man who seemed to penetrate my soul, we are both married with our own seemingly normal family. We worked together on some projects and due to proximity and regular contacts, we got to know each other by starting from short phone calls usually with a pretext to work to talking regularly on scheduled timing. Sometimes we phoned each other over 10;15 times a day.

At the beginning, it was fun and we had a good time Sharing laughs and what happens in our lives and the neighborhood (we live close by). Our relationship was not physical although we did engaged in intimate conversation on physical desires. As time goes on, I felt so intimately connected to him that it began to consume my life.

Sometimes I began to feel that he has taken over everything I once valued most. Unlike in some cases where mentioning the spouses was taboo, he frequently told me about his wife and what a dysfunctional and irresponsible person she is. It's a well known fact in the Neighbourhood that she drinks and gamble everyday and will not look after her children, plus she is always yelling at him for one thing or another for all to hear in the neighborhood. The more sob stories be tells me about his life, the more I felt sorry for him. Our connections bonded stronger, for me he filled a void in my life because for years I have stayed in a passive aggressive relationship with my husband who would go by for days and weeks without communication with me. Our existence together is like flat mates without much to talk about except for snide remarks or subtle criticism. I have tried to leave our marriage but for years my single focus was my child and separations seemed unfair so I stayed on.

When this guy appeared, I found the sunshine I craved in my heart until one day his wife found a MSG I had sent to him asking for my letter back. Ironically that was the day I decided to leave him. Since then she shouts obscene things at me everytime she sees me and coming round to my house regardless. My husband sent her away everytime while my "lover" acted helpless and hides in his cave. Since then I was so hurt from his inaction (though he said he told her to leave him many times but failed) that I told him to do something because she was causing so much problems in our lives. Of cause this opens the pandora box and troubles blew out of proportions from all sides until after 2-3 months of hell, I see that he's finally succumbing to her abusive treatments as she is his jailer (words he used to describe her) and follows him whenever he's out of her sight. I was truly angry with him because he is allowing her to carry on the destructions.

For a few weeks, his phone calls became more infrequent, our time to see each other came less and less, sometimes we will not talk for a day or two. It was very difficult to accept in the beginning and I got more angry and desperate when he failed in his work performance as well as personal promises.

For 3 months, I became a walking shell, I cannot do anything else other than waiting for his calls, I cried more than I have cried my entire life and I questioned my sanity when I have uncontrollable anger outburst because of his repeated failures at not fulfilling his commitments. Suicidal thoughts were never far from my mind.

Last week I spoke to him for the last time and asking him to try to move on and be happy with his life, to forget anything unpleasant and I wished him luck. He called me twice after that but I did not answer n his last ctc was a good luck msg. We have no ctc for 5 days now and his absence is a weighty and painful void. My heart is broken but I am trying to rebuild my life, I know that no one should mean more to me than myself and my child. I know that breaking ctc once and for all is the best for me but I miss him and our comradeship that is why I am typing this at 4 in the morning. I just want to say to anyone who is considering but has not enter into extramarital affairs to seriously look for the quickest way out because it's more toxic than any other illicit drugs. If you are still in one, I wish you luck and hope that you will have a better outcome than mine. If you are also opting out, remember - you are worth more than the crumbs he's willing to offer you. Good luck!

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