My Baldheaded Affair!
by Broken Ginja
(St. Thomas, U.S.V.I)
This man is everything I want and feel I need.I am a single woman....he is a married man.We met at work.Started out as associates and then we became closer and he started to express his interest in me.I ignored it...but not for long.I became curious and like the old saying goes, "curiousity killed the cat".Well that was 4 years ago...and here I am still stuck in this emotional roller coaster.I know its wrong, it haunts me everyday and to make myself feel better about it whenever things dont go the way i would like it to be...just me and him....I throw a fit and I break up with him,lol...funny to say break up with him right,when he doesnt even belong to me in the first place!Well he always talks about how boring his marraige is and how his wife doesnt give him sex or attention and I give him all the things he looks for from a woman and how he just cant wait for her to move out of his house after she builds her own house and then me and him can be together.I know deep down that its never going to happen and that all these "sob sories" r jus that.....STORIES....a bunch of lies to keep me hanging around.Wanna hear the real kicker....its jus not me he is messing with on the side....he has another one...one he had b4 me that he claims he is not seeing any more since he got involved with me but I dont trust him period and when I c him even talking to her I get upset and emotional...but its really not my place...I know this, but i just cant help how I feel for this man.I am so in love with him that I see myself doing crazy things and saying crazy things I would never allow myself to do or say...usually....but with him...I lose myself.I dont want pity or anything like that.Im jus trying to get myself out of this.Everytime I break up with him he finds his way back in.Mayb b.c I really dont want it to end but I dont want to be second best all my life either.I also dont want to waste my time with it b.c I know I will regret it.I have a man who wants to b with me and make me his wife...but here I am procrastinating and holding back b.c of my feelings for this individual that I could never have all b.c i am in love with him and not the other guy who wants to b with me.I dont know if he really loves me...he hardly ever says it,but he shows it sometimes.It could all be apart of his act.One thing I do kno is that he is a liar and a cheater and I know I could never be with him even if he does leave his wife.Our relationship is up and down but mostly up and when its up it is soooo gooooddd, like heaven, but when its down...oh boy,somebody call the police.We r friends b4 n e thing else and thats what I cherish the most but trust me...after u get involved with a friend....sexually....it changes eveything.The friendship will never b the same ever again.Currently we havent done anything with eachother for a long time now,but I want to so bad...I miss him...but Im controlling myself.He doesnt deserve me and I kno this...but getting over him will be my toughest job ever.Please...any women out there who is curious about a married man....stop in ur tracks.Do not do it if you know that emotionally your just not strong enough b.c in the long run....when reallity kicks in....its not worth ur time and energy.Your just too busy living in a dream that u dont want to wake up from,but u have to or else u will b lost forever.Your also setting urself up for heartache.If you are already in this situation...get out now!Trust me!BLESS!
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