My heart is broken and he feels nothing


(Pretoria,RSA)

We met at work, I was a trainee in a serious relationship with a boyfriend and planning to get married to him by the end of the year. A month in a new job I realised I was falling for my colleaque, we had the same likes, dislikes, goals and I saw my soulmate in him.

We were so good as friends that I felt so bad that I didn't have such a marvellous relationship with my own boyfriend. The more time I spent with my colleaque I felt that he was the one and I decided to break up with my boyfriend because I did not want to be labelled a 'cheater' to a good man.

I had a great time with my friend and finally he told me that he had a girlfriend but by then I had made up my mind that he was my soulmate. I mean she never visited, he never visited her and we were always together so I just didn't believe that he had a girlfriend. We spent the whole year together and in that year he made me cry countless times. Whenever I asked him how he feels about me he would change the subject and tell me that he doesn't want me to get hurt. in this whole year I was the one who cooked for him, took him to the hospital when he was sick and I kept him warm at night.

The only thing I knew about his girlfriend was that she didn't work, was always in trouble, big spender and was in the "UK". I thought that there was no way that this guy will actually stay with this woman; she is a mess.

I saw myself as a perfect woman and she was a mess so he will choose me, but he didn't. When he found out that she was returning from the "UK", he resigned gave me the apartment he was renting and re-located to a place so far from me (at least 7 hours drive).

He still kept me on the side, he would visit me and all we would do is have sex. Two weeks after her return I demanded answers and I wanted to know where my relationship with him was in this whole situation. He couldn't say anything to me, because frankly he never told me he loved me, he never needed to spend his money on me because I had my own and he didn't have anything that connected me to him except sex.

Then he visited me for a weekend and it was great, I had forgotten my demands and we jsut made love and we were going out for breakfast.

Until she called him and they had such a good conversation on how she was planning to renovate the house and she needed more money for all of this. Of course he is hiding in the other room and I am listening to all of this conversation from his replies, finally he said to her: I love you too. That was the worst pain ever, it still is! I just fell down and started crying then I hid myself in the sheets, thinking I can stop crying because I knew about her. I chose not to acknowledge her existence, it was all my fault, why am I so stupid to put myself in this situation.

He walked in the room and opened the sheets, then he asked me if I was ready to go out. He said it like this was all normal, I didn't say a word. He opened the sheets and said: "Wow you are already dressed? Let's go". I said: "I'm not hungry, you can go alone I want to sleep".

And then he said: "I'm sorry you heard that isn't it, but let's go because I don't want to eat alone?".

That was when I saw the truth, he felt nothing for me; I just woke and told him to pack his bags and leave. He didn't fight it or anything; it was like he was relieved by reaction he just packed all his belongings and left my place.

I cried myself to sleep, but sleep was not comforting at all. So I decided to call him for answers and he had none. He wanted both of us and he would give me a proper answer by the end of the week after he has looked at everything. I asked if there was a selection criteria but he just laughed. The next day was just not productive for me, I just kept thinking about him, her and me.

1. What kind of a woman am I to cheat with some other woman's man?

2. What if he does the same thing to me, will I have the right to shout at him for cheating since I had enabled this behaviour from the start? (I won't have a say or any right, what goes around comes back around)

3. Am I happy, have I ever been happy with him? (The pain of him telling you about his debts caused by somebody else so he can't pay for dinner, he can't tell his mother/family/friends about your relationship yet, you can't plan for marriage and family)

4. Does he respect me? (No, he told another woman he loved her in my presence. He expects you to understand his relationship problems without any questions.)

5. Does he love me? (No, there's no loyalty, respect, support, no love at all)

I knew the answers to all of those questions and it was amazing how blind I had been by allowing all this to happen; I had degraded myself for the last time. I loved him enough to leave a good man but I didn't love him that much to destroy myself. Then I called him and told him I couldn't wait for him to come to a decision; I told him how I felt and as usual he tried to make me feel terrible about myself. This time I stood my ground and told him about my 5 BIG QUESTIONS; he told me to give a few minutes he will call right back. He didn't call.

He sent an sms telling me that he needs to say goodbye to me and that he was going to try to fix his relationship with his girlfriend.

The thing that bothers me about this is the fact that we spent all our time together but we never actually told our friends that we were "together". Everyone suspected it but we always told them, "we are just friends". I think as a woman you should really do yourself a favor and stay away from the pain, a man with a woman on his side will never ever give you full commitment. And if that's what you want stay the hell away from them and we should also try to save other women from this pain by leaving their men alone.

If a man loves you, really loves you he will make sure that he sorts out his mess before he includes you in it. If you're planning to help him just know that he will just use you and leave you to be home with his wife. You're just a mistress so you have no feelings, you're already used to it because he tells you when he goes home to his girlfriend/wife.

ALL THE BEST TO US.

Comments for My heart is broken and he feels nothing

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Sep 12, 2011
Thank you
by: Alison

Thanks for your story, it really helps me and other ex-mistresses.

As long as men can get away with treating women so badly they will.

best wishes to you for the future
Alison

Jun 18, 2009
I feel your pain
by: Sally Webb

First of all, thank you very much for sharing your story. I feel your pain as I have been in the same situation before too where you fall for someone at work.

Good news is though, you finally have woken up to your own senses and realise that he is not worth it. Of course it hurts for the first few nights when he is not there, but I promise you, time will heal.

For the time being, focus on going through the day, one day at a time, and share your pain to friends who are really dear to you.

Good luck to you.
Sally

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