My heart is broken

by Joanne
(North Carolina)

OK I have posted twice on this site one to tell my story and one asking a question. Now I have to come back and report that I recently found out that my MM who promised me he was going to file for legal separation in January, now has a new baby with his wife. His birthday was the 29th of November and I sent him sweet birthday greetings and a voice message before he got into his office. As we were emailing he told me that he would be leaving around noon because his parents were coming into town for his birthday and they wanted to take him shopping, well he had been doing an awful lot of leaving work early lately and none of it was for me or to see me, I wondered if his wife would be spending his birthday with him as well so I called her job, of course I would have hung up if she would have answered and I really wish she had but someone else did and I asked for her and that is when the bomb was dropped on me, the woman on the other end of the phone said " she is still on maternity leave" My heart dropped and my eyes filled with tears but I got the strength to ask again in case I heard wrong and the same was repeated, I hung up and called him immediately and asked him was his wife pregnant, he said no she is not, I said then why is she on maternity leave, he said because she already had the baby.

I could not breath, I could not think, I asked him how he could do this to me and he said it was just one night, he had been drinking and woke up to her on his lap, he swore it was only the once. I told him he was having such issues leaving to children ages 10 and 9 so how are you going to leave a newborn child, I told him "you lied to me this whole time, you have lived these last nine months knowing she was pregnant knowing you had had sex with her while all the while telling me how I could not go out with a male on a friend only basis, how disrespectful that was to you!" and the whole while you knew she was pregnant. He said he did not know how to tell me, that in his mind he was just delaying his own execution because he knew if I found out I would walk away. He told me he was still going to do what he said in January he was not happy and this child was not planned and its not like it was with his other two children. My mind is so upset now , my heart is broken, I love him so much and I want to beleive he is going to do as he says but its trust that is broken now and how he has talked to me in the past about the way I saw things while reiterating respect and honesty while he lied or never even told me this had happened. And then failed to tell me she was pregnant.

He said that was the reason he had stopped physically seeing me because he could not face me knowing his situation. I want to wait and see but I dont know if it would benefit either of us even if he did walk away. What do I do :(

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My heart is broken

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Jan 24, 2012
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Let go and move on NEW
by: ron

I know it's easier said than done.Hopefully anyone else who reads what happened to you won't date a MARRIED PERSON.That means they should be OFF THE MENU.You trusted someone who would cheat on their wife? That's like trusting a fox in a room with a chicken.You know what the fox is going to do.In your future when you meet the next guy who is married, I'm sure you wil not get involved.I hope you meet a nice single guy soon,then you can forget this slickster married lying man youn were seeing.You'll be alright in time.Sorry you got let down by this MM.I'm telling you the same I would tell my daughter ,if I had one.For now it's time to let go and move on.

Jan 24, 2012
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You need to take care of yourself NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi Joanne,
I read your series of posts with Ron. I understand that you feel whatever he is saying feels really harsh for you especially because you have trusted your MM. I can imagine how much it must have pained you when he broke your trust. It is really difficult first of all to trust a MM. You did and then this happened. Take control of yourself. DO not let MM spoil your life. I know one cannot do much when your heart runs towards him. I feel the same for my hubby who is terribly hurt because my actions. I understand that it will be very difficult for him to accept and forgive me. But I still feel for him. Even after going out with MM I feel this tremendous pull towards my husband. Only time and God perhaps will guide me with this. But your MM is only playing with you. Even if I believe for your sake that your MM wanted to be with you but could not only due his wife mistakes, he should have been honest with you about the new baby. Please don't fell hurt of what Ron is writing. Ron might be hurt due to any reason but more importantly you need to get up and take care of yourself. You have to be there for yourself. Ron does not see the way you are hurt in all this. Although you loved a MM but still you loved with your heart and that is why it pains so much. Please cut off all ties with your MM. Follow your desires and hobbies. Start one new thing which you always wanted to do. You are very precious and if others dont see that you need to do that for yourself. Look after your son and yourself. I will pray for your strength. Meanwhile I am struggling with my life as my husband is going through what I did to him. I pray for him too. I am hopeful for positive things.

Dec 16, 2011
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2 things that helped me catch my spouse NEW
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Dec 15, 2011
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It's time to let go NEW
by: ron

I hear what you're saying.I agree with most of it.All I can say is that at this point ,it's definetly time to let this guy go and he needs to take care of his 2 kids,wife and new born.He's got his hands full.You should focus on why you were attracted to someone unavaialble.That was my mistake too.After asking myself that question I realized I was the one who should of known better.Anywyas ,good luck to you .

Dec 15, 2011
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understand NEW
by: joanne

Ron, I do understand what you are saying, and I too have had my heart broken the same way. which now I understand how my ex's other woman felt. I have now worn and walked in both sets of shoes, and being done that I have a better understanding of both sides. I even apologized to my ex's other women and told them I now know what that felt like and how hurt and miserable they felt as well, but I could not fault them for loving him. They are human as am I and we never have control over who we fall in love with. I did not set out to hurt anyone, I never intended to be the person that I once hated and questioned so much and if I could find someone that is single and makes me feel and love the way my MM does then I would go that route, but the case is this is the man that I love. Do you honestly think that I like or am comfortable with the fact that I could hurt someone the way I have been hurt and not just her but his children as well, all though I will tell you this, I love his children as I love him with all of my heart. I have watched these children grow up from afar but have admired and loved them just the same. Its not as easy as you make it out to be, especially when your heart is involved, if that was the case this would be a perfect world and there would be no such thing as divorce or child custody. Reality is Hearts get broken, hurt is a true emotion but so is recovery and life goes on. My son grew up in a home where his father and I were not happy with each other but we stayed so he would not have to be a product of a broken home, instead we ended up with a broken child because of what he had to see and endure throughout our relationship.He himself has told me that he wish we would have separated and given him a happy life rather than the one he had to see. But you have every right to your opinion.

Dec 15, 2011
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he's a new dad now. NEW
by: ron

He's a new dad now.It hurts to realize that he lied about alot of things to you.MM all lie if they are willing to cheat on their wife.That shouldn't come as a surprise.If he trys to contact you,you should just tell him to get on with being a new dad and husband.

Dec 15, 2011
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see things for how they are NEW
by: ron

If you're seeing someone else's spouse,that's a Bad Idea.I would not advise anyone to do that.Better to either wait til they're available (divorced)or date a single person.I have had my heart broken by that situation.Lesson I learned is I won't do it again,only dissapointment will come from it.Sorry if that's to hard to understand.Put yourself in his wife's shoes.Does she need to have her husband spending time with you.No,that's why I say just move on to someone who is available,that would be a much better idea.

Dec 15, 2011
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see things for how they are NEW
by: ron

If you're seeing someone else's spouse,that's a Bad Idea.I would not advise anyone to do that.Better to either wait til they're available (divorced)or date a single person.I have had my heart broken by that situation.Lesson I learned is I won't do it again,only dissapointment will come from it.Sorry if that's to hard to understand.Put yourself in his wife's shoes.Does she need to have her husband spending time with you.No,that's why I say just move on to someone who is available,that would be a much better idea.

Dec 15, 2011
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Scorned NEW
by: joanne

Ron, for some reason I believe you are one of two things, you are either a scorned husband who's wife was cheating or a woman named Ron that her husband was cheating. Your words are harsh and full of animosity and hate, how do I know this? I was once the WOMAN scorned. I have learned several lessons, what real love is for one, I have been faithful to a man I barely see,but have not even ventured out with another male.. I have learned that sometimes people make choices in life that seem like dreams come true , only later to find out they were more in love with the dream, than the person but circumstance made it hard to leave. I learned that Deceit shows its face more and more in so many ways in a marriage, including stopping taking your birth control in hopes to keep someone in a marriage. No one really is blame free, hurt free or clean in these situations. But I believe you need to be honest as to why you post and who you are. I have read other things you have posted.. I am very curious about you. Just seems somebodys been sleeping in your bed, and you didnt like it.

Dec 15, 2011
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time to move on NEW
by: ron


Be thankful it wasn't you that got pregnant. Now he will be very busy being a new dad.Leave him be and if he contacts you it will only be for a quickie.You should change your number and e-mail address.No more contact.Make yourself available to only single guys in your future.You knew messing around with another woman's husband would be a huge waste of your time and efforts.Hope you learned a valueable lesson...

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