My Story Where do I begin..

I have been the OW for nearly 4 years now. I met him online. We hit it off started as friends. One day we realized we had feelings for each other and it blossomed from there. I knew he was married from the start and I was actually married as well at the time. Our's is a long distance affair. I went to meet him in his neighboring state 3 years ago. It was great. Just like we thought it would be filled with passion.

His wife has suspected there was someone in his life and has questioned him about me. After our first meeting we had planned on meeting again and he broke his neck. While waiting for surgery he asked his wife for the phone and called me to tell me what had happened. He thought he may not make it and wanted to hear my voice one last time. I was sick. I wanted to be there with him so bad but couldnt.

He acted like he was talking to someone else in front of his family when talking to me. After his surgery it took him a while to heal. I stood by him and encouraged him through it all even as far away as I am. I love him and I know he loves me too. But I do know he loves her because if he didnt he would already be gone. There are so many factors that keep him there.

I feel guilty sometimes but the love I have for him overshadows that. We planned another meeting just a few days ago. It was going to be in my neighboring state. He was going to be here for 4 days which we were gonna spend much of that time together. I picked him up at the airport and his wife non stop called and texted him. He couldnt relax because of her. We did spend much the night enjoying each other then the next day he said he had an emergency and had to leave early. He is a married pastor and had to go tend to a dying parishner. I took him to the airport and we spent the last hour just talking then embraced kissed and said goodbye. I barely heard anything from him that night. I havent heard anything from him today. It texted him yesterday asking if we were okay.

He said yes and thats it. I dont know what is happening. He did say while we were together that she said she had someone follow him. I dont know if that were the case or not. She told him that he would lose everything if he were cheating. My heart is breaking. I know I must go on with my life and end this even if he does contact me again. I just dont know if I can..this is so hard.

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