My wait

by diana
(North Carolina)

We met a year and a half ago. I was still married at the time, yet my husband and I were considering separation. I answered an ad for sex and that is how I met my MM. The first 6 months or so, we rarely talked, only met at a hotel for steamy sex about twice a month. In the meantime, my husband had left so I was feeling vunerable and lonely.

Now, a year later I am deeply in love with my MM. What started out as a means to satisfy our sexual desires has turned into the greatest love of my life. Once we started talking we realized we are very much alike, have many things in common, and have become best friends. There is nothing we can't discuss...politics, family, fantasies, the economy, you name it, we can talk about it. Our attachment is deep, and I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm 50.

I don't want him to leave his wife. Sometimes I think about how wonderful our life would be together as we are both open minded and free-spirited, but his wife is much younger and his children are small. They need him. So, I have resolved to be on the sidelines for now. I've kept my head about this thing, but I don't know how long our relationship will last. He drops hints about leaving his wife, but I discourage him as I'm not sure I could live with a man who so easily cheats on his wife.

At this point, all I can do is enjoy our time together. Our connection is amazing, and I expect nothing from him except to be the center of his world when we are together. There are times that I cry and hurt deeply, and decide to find someone else, but no one compares to him, so I wait to see what the future holds for me, for us.

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My wait

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Dec 08, 2010
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The break up with married man
by: Sally

Diana.. how are you doing now that it's more than 2 weeks past since you suggested the break.

I wish I saw this comment earlier so if there was anything i could do to help you go through your worst moment i could do it...

I really hope you're not stuck with him anymore... but feel free to send me an email (contact me form on my site) if you'd like to have a chat about it.


Nov 14, 2010
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the below comment is from original poster
by: Diana

I failed to add my name and it defaulted to anonymous. But it's me...Diana.

Nov 14, 2010
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it's over
by: Anonymous

I didn't plan to end it although I started thinking of it about 8 months ago. I knew, even then, the longer I waited to end it, the harder it would be. I'm not a strong person when it comes to saying goodbye to someone, and know if circumstances had not fallen into place exactly, we would still be seeing each other.

Last week, we saw each other several times, and by the end of the week it had become apparent that our emotions with one another were completely out of control. Neither of us could barely talk to the other, yet we were wanting to be together so badly that it was killing us. Friday was a rough day at work for him with layoffs and it was my birthday and we had planned to spend most of the day together. Naturally, he could not make it and I became very upset. Not because of his work situation, but because it was my birthday and I would be alone as he could not get away that evening. It occurred to me then that if I continued with him that it would always be like this - I would always be alone on special occasions. So, out of the heat of the moment, I emailed him that we should take a break from one another until after the holidays. I haven't heard a word from him. It's been months since we've let a day pass where we have not communicated in some way. So, I know in my heart that it's over. He told me once it's too much for him to consider taking a break when I suggested it in the past.

I am in a sad state right now. I'm still wearing the same clothes I've had on since Friday. It's now Sunday night. I cannot cry as I know when I start that I may never stop. Somehow I've got to pull myself together and get through this coming week, but I don't know where to start. I've never felt so alone. I have no one to talk to about this as I've kept it from everyone I know. I've alienated some of my friends because I always had to be on standby in case he found a free moment. My school work is suffering and my projects will not make the deadline.

I put my life on hold for this man as that all we were...on hold, spinning in the same place for 18 months heading nowhere. And now, in the end, I am completely alone, deeply hurt, and in a state of pain I've never known.

I would do anything to have one more day with him the way it used to be before we feel so deeply in love and our emotions took over. Just one more, but I know it will never happen.

Nov 12, 2010
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Nov 08, 2010
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a worn path
by: Diana

Millie, thanks for the comment. I expected to be attacked, but your kind words have given me a sense of validation in what I know I need to do. I've been thinking of them, of you, and how we can let this happen to us.

No, I don't want another year to slip by in the clutches of this relationship. He and I are only continuing to get closer and I know that I'll be the one whose heart gets broken in the long run.

I really can't move past my divorce while still seeing my married man. Only today, I snapped at him out of frustration. I'm sure I'll break it off soon and will report back here when the crushing deed is done.

My heart goes out to you too, dear. There is no immunity to this due to age. I hope each day continues to get better for you, that one day you can wake up and not think of him, that you can meet someone wonderful who takes your breath away and loves you completely.

Lisa

Nov 06, 2010
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SOOOO Familiar
by: Millie

Hi Diana,

I started out just like you.

We both basically needed sex.

It turned out to be wonderful. We became extremely close and spent hours on the phone each day, sent endless texts and I still have 1,647 in a folder.

We lasted 2 and a half years.

I felt and sometimes still feel that nobody else will do.

Eventually he became my whole world and he was all I wanted. Eventually I became depressed, lost self esteem and was in constant conflict. I can see you are going down the same road.

Stop all contact. You sound like a strong person. Believe me at the end of the day, you will be the one who is hurt.

The other worry is that his wife might find out and that would destroy her world and the world of the children. They don't deserve it.

I am thirteen years older than you are, but it's no easier. I have been free from the MM now for 2 months. It's desperately lonely, but one day I hope to find a man who is free to love me with his whole heart.

It takes a long time to regain yourself. Start now and don't leave it as long a I did.

I am hoping you take my advice to heart,

Millie.

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