Never say Never
I remember telling my college roomate dating a man engaged to be married, if he cheats on her, he will cheat on you. I was always the wise, smart one. It served me well until 25 years later I found myself in the midst of a worse situation. I was seperated, he was married. The attraction was immediate and fierce. It started out as wild crazy sex and nothing more, but working in the same industry with common interests meant a "relationship". After 6 months, he broke it off feeling guilty. That lasted 2 months and things were on again, but different, more serious with deeper feelings. Love was never mentioned, but friendship, trust and a strong connection was.
After a total of 21 months, he broke it off again because of guilt and feeling his marrriage was in jeopardy by our conduct. When two weeks went by, I confessed I was madly in love and even though I knew we would not have a life together, I was hurt by his decision, sad that we were no more and could not go on without him knowing how much I loved him. He confessed loving me too, but is standing by his decision. I can beat myself up and consider the time wasted, but he is a wonderful person who I know will always be important. I believe we don't really choose people we love and it isn't always rational and honest, but the important thing is to acknowledge what it is and grow.
I would not have done anything different because knowing him has taught me a different way of thinking. As far as his wife is concerned, I believe that to be none of my business and something for them to work out. I will never interfere, ask anything of him beyond what he is willing to give. I know I will find love again. I now think back to my college roomate and understand and appreciate that after all these years, its love that really connects us and its society, judgements and ourselves that make the journey sometimes complicated and destructive.
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