NOT SURE WHAT TO DO?

by bubba
(guam)

i am a 37 y/o married man with 3 kids. without going into all the long details, i was married young at 21 and married my wife because she got pregnant.i've always loved my wife and i've always been faithful up until this point.i've been a good husband and father.

we've been married for 18 years now. the last few years i've felt that we've been growing apart. the last year i've felt like she's more like a roomate than a wife. i've felt neglected and unappreciated. i've supported her with her career and have always put her and the kids first. the last fight we had she was just so ready to give up on us. because of this i decided to "not care" anymore and let the "card fall where thay may".

i was feeling lonely and found a website where married adults meet and have affairs. it was mostly just to have "chat" conversations. i met a women that lived acorss the state. we really had great chats. our chats progressed and we continued to get to know one another. we have so much in common. i looked forward to hearing from her. our online chats slowly went from chating to calling her at home.( by the way, she was not married but did just get out of a relationship. and she is 8 years older than me.) this women really made my heart skip a beat.

we both made plans to meet. mind you she lives 10 hours by flight from me we decided to pick a state and meet half way. we stayed on the west coast. we had an amazing time together. we spent 5 unforgetable days together. normally i would never just pick up a stranger let alone stay together for 5 days at a hotel. we just had this bond that put aside all logic. from the start we were very comfortable together....like we already knew eachother.
when we parted, it was the hardest thing to do...its was then that i realized how much i really wanted to be with this woman.
once apart the phone calls and texting started up. the "i miss u's" were pretty hard.
3 months later we met again on the west coast and spent another 5 days together...our feelings for eachother continued to grow...i've fallen in love with this woman and she has fallen in love with me. she does not want me to hurt my kids. but she's not ready to let me go either.
i just left her a week ago...parting at the airport was so hard....seeing her cry was crushing my heart.


i've been home with my wife and kids....since i've been here all i can think about is her. i actually had the intention of ending my relationship with this woman. because i have such deep feelings for her i can't bring myself to do it. i'm not happy at home and i still feel like the relationship i have with my wife is more like "roomate". i do love my kids and don't want to hurt them.


i'm not sure what to do....i feel like my head is so clouded....i have all these feelings....everyday i tell myself i have to end this..but just can't seem to let go.....
anyone ever been in this same situation?