Not the only one!

by samantha wishart
(port douglas australia)

I am on the tail end of a fifeteen month old affair: never in my life have I felt such pain: everyone says walk away but the damage a lying cheating married man can do is a very hard thing to recover from. I had just come out of 3 years of cancer treatment a failed relationship and a lost pregnancy when I met him. The day we met he was doing some electrical work at the house I was staying and as I was feeding the horses one of them threw me: he nursed and dressed my wounds and asked over coffee if he could come back tomorrow and have breakfast with me.

For several weeks we had coffee, breakfast and lunch: he never told me he was married: then i invited him to a party and he confessed he had a "partner" who I later discovered was a "wife". I was very hurt and angry as I really fell for the guy: after three weeks of not seeing him he called me and said he couldn't bare not seeing me and could we talk: all the usual stuff: his wife and he were unhappy, they slept in seperate ends of the house and were discussing divorce, he couldn't bare to be without me: blah, blah blah.

I think what hurts the most is that I am usually an intelligent wise woman: I once sacked a company director of mine for kissing me when he was married: this one however was so good at charm and lies I fell completely for all he said.

Worse is that I live in a very small town and people found out about our affair and as is so typical I was called a whore, slut, and worse. Out of loyalty to him I defended him and his character on many occassions and lost several friendships for doing so. I couldn't believe what people would tell me about him and what they accused me of as a result of being involved with him.We seperated for three months but he came back into my life again saying it was too hard not to see me and to be my friend. and it was hard as i would see him everywhere I went: hazards of living in a small town!

For the past 5 months he had been calling me daily, e-mailing me late at night, texting me sometime 9 times a day: it has been very hard for me to be just friends and to try and respect his choice to stay in his marriage. I adore the man and love how I feel when we are together, but hate how it feels when he goes home to the wife. Three weeks ago he made a sexual pass at me and I turned him down: he apologised and said he was being a stupid male and begged me not to stop seeing him as a result of this. I felt it was getting too hard and confessed that I still had feelings for him and as a friend I would hope he could pull back a little and stop hugging me and touching me becasue it was hurting me too much.
He then begged me to stay friends, said he valued me and my friendship and after an hour of this said "IF MY WIFE FINDS OUT ABOUT US SHE WILL TAKE ME FOR EVERYTHING" I was horrified: a) If I were the type to tell his wife in fifieteen months I would have done so b) it dawned onme that he had been playing me the entire time just to protect his interests: that he never really loved, cared or valued me or my friendship.

I am devastated, furious and deeply hurt that my loyalty, trust and reputation has been damaged by a man who is nothing more than a predator and a sociopath. AND YES I WANT REVENGE: especially considering his wife phone stalked me and I suspect it was her who keyed my car 6 times as there is no one else who could possibly have issue with me. She is 14 years older than her husband and a very sour bitter woman.

I no longer can even go out in a town which has been my home 3 times longer than it has been home to this man without being reminded of him, seeing him or being bad mouthed by people who should know me better and I don't know what to do with myself over it all.

CAN ANYONE HELP?!!!!



Comments for
Not the only one!

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Dec 19, 2011
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Faithful Wife
by: Anonymous

How dare you generalise about the OW. You seem like a screwed up, psycho, bitter, twisted wife who has no concept of real 'LOVE'. I don't blame your husband for cheating on a clingy, possesive, parasite such as you. Why are u even on this board if your husband is soooo perfect?? What are you looking for? lol. I hope u live a long and sadddd life filled with paranoia, no trust and pain. Do you not understand a lot of MM pursue us single women??? They love that we are beautiful, self confident, have a gorgeous body and yes, WE ARE SEXY and are wild in bed with them. Some days we are loving and sensual too. Some days we just listen or laugh. We are everything you are probably not haha. So you should think about who is to blame and look closer to home for your answers. Let him GO and be FREE, move on with your life because he is obviously not happy with YOU. Set him free, he is not your property, you don't OWN him, nobody owns anybody even if they are married. We are all free spirits. Get a LIFE of your own and move on because you sound like a desperate, clingy wife ;) Good luck lol :)

Sep 05, 2011
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silly women dating married men
by: faithful wife

It is extremely hard to feel sympathy for the "other women". Especially when you know or findout the man you are with is married and you continue the affair. Most men cheat it is a sad fact. Why you foolishly think you are special and he is your soulmate is obsured. You and the married man you are with have no clue how selfish, decietful, inconsiderate, disrespectful and life shattering your stupidity is. Why the other women desperately wants and prayers for the distruction of another womens marriage so she can finally be happy with the married man is desperate for love. What makes you think you know what goes on in another persons marriage because your married guy tells you lies to meet his needs. Any man feels out a female to see if she will bite. If you are dumb enough to believe and take the bate guess what you are a stupid selfish female that deserves everything you got coming. Married men don't leave their wives for the other women they aren't looking for someone better they are just looking for someone to stoke their pitifully low ego's. Married men know the other women is a whore they don't want to be with outside the fantasy world they have created. You are not real and they know you want to believe they are awesome because it makes them feel good that you think they are great. They know they are pieces of shit but love that you over look it. The married man won't leave his wife not because of the kids, $ or anyother excuse he stays because it is not as bad as you hope or want to believe. His wife is not clingy crazy depressed suicidal or anything else. His wife is who he loves because if he loved you he would be with you no matter what the consequences. He stays with his wife and married because that is what he really wants. He is selfish and will continue to use you as long as you let him. If he fears he will lose his wife, you most likely will be used tossed aside and quickly forgotten. He may contact you if he thinks he will be single and he knows you are easily manipulated. Married men lie and will take whatever you are willing to give because you are the desperate crazy clingy depressed one. He never loved you he loved how he felt and how you thought he was wonderful. Go crawl up in the fetal position and cry you have no redeeming qualities and you deserve everything you got coming. Karma knows your name and where you lay your head. What goes around comes around. So it is comforting to know you will get yours someday!!

May 10, 2011
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I'd like to add
by: Anonymous

I would like to add that he as good as stalked me when we were seeing each other: driving past my house to check if my car was there and asking me where I was if it was not in the carpark. He would drive around town until he found my car and walk into social situations I was enjoying uninvited. Once he asked why I didn't open my kitchen blinds becasue when they were closed he couldn't see in. He would follow my car, turn up unannoounced, if we hadn't seen each other for a day or two he would ask if I had been with my other "boyfriends": when I was loyal only to him. As the OW I couldn't turn up at his place unannunced, drop by at my free will, walk into his social arrangements uninvited: now I have stated my feelings he has cut me off comletely, deleting his e-mail account, refusing to answer my calls and driving down side streets to hide when he sees me as if I am the crazy stalker!! THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY MARRIED MEN whO CHEAT PRACTICe SUCH DOUBLE STANDARDS: have any of you also experinced the married man as almosta stalker? Also I have since found out he has been sleeping with other women in town, HE DESERVES TO GET CAUGHT AND FOR HIS WIFE TO TAKE HIM FOR EVERYTHING: even though I hold her partly responsible also: their marriage is toxic and the poison seeps out and damages and hurts so many more than the two of them: he cheated on her before they were married and she still married the guy: she condones his behavior!!!!

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