Trust in relationships is very important and one affair can well destroy one partner’s trust in the cheating party. If you want to regain the trust in your partner – or you just want to rebuild trust in relationships that has been peppered with infidelity, there is definitely more to do than just promising to ‘never do it again’.
At this time, action speaks louder than words and the behaviour of the cheating party is more important to regain the spouse’ trust.
So for the cheating party…
Okay, saying ‘I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again’ is definitely a start, but as far as building trust in relationships is concerned, that just doesn’t cut it. After all, the vow and promise was exchanged on your wedding day, and that one was certainly broken.
And I have to say this before we begin. If you want to rebuild trust in relationships – you have to prove your promise and words by action OVER TIME. It is not a day’s job, as a broken trust will take some time to rebuild. You have to be patient on this.
Here are some of the behaviours that the cheating spouse can do in order to save the marriage.
1. Stop contact with the other woman (man)
This is a must. Think of it as a prerequisite of rebuilding the trust in your relationship. If the cheating spouse still insists to have contact with the third party i.e. being just a friend to her, or forced to see her because she’s his work colleague, take the necessary steps.
Quit your job if you have to do so. After all, by cheating on your partner you have somehow committed yourself to the aftermath and consequences that follow.
2. Be honest – and I mean, be totally transparent
If your wife (husband) ask questions just answer it. Holding back some information to ‘protect your spouse’ feeling’ is not right – it’s in fact a disaster as you would be even less trustworthy in your spouse’ eyes. Remember, she is very sensitive at this time and she’ll know if you’re lying.
At this time your wife will want to know everything about your third party. This is very normal. Answer cooperatively.
3. Be understanding that your spouse cannot trust you yet for at least some time
Let them see your bills, know your passwords and read your emails. Even if the third party send you emails or try to contact you – make sure you let your spouse know about this. Better yet, let your spouse be on the other line of the phone when your other woman calls you. This is to make sure your spouse feels that ‘you are on her side’ and will help you regaining the trust in relationships.
4. Stop the blame game and just find a solution
At first when people find out there is an affair in the relationship they may start blaming each other. The wife may also start blaming the other woman or herself.
You should really focus on the solution, find out the root of the problem, talk about the affair and come up with a good solution amongst yourselves. Remember, an affair has consequences. You (The cheating party) are now responsible for restoring the trust in your relationship.
In time the betrayed spouse can heal – once the initial shock is gone you may find your relationship is actually better than before. You could always go extra step and get professional help or online marital counseling to show how serious you are in rebuilding the marriage.