ripping off the plaster (hopefully!)
I have known my boyfriend for 6 years, and knew he was married. we got to know each other and started playing around two years ago while trying not to, if that makes any sense(?). we both did not realise how we would end up feeling about each other. the usual happened and after it became the norm to be together, we have been on and off for the last two years, but he occasionally goes awol and won't even text me for about a week (always saying there is a problem with the kids). i have always put up with this, making excuses for him that it must be hard for him to love me as much as he does but be torn by his kids. i am now (although feeling the same) trying to rip off the plaster and i have told him that if he is not absolutely certain that he wants to be with me, then we need to stop seeing each other. He has"t even respond to that, just kept silent, which is so hurtful as the least i expected was an 'i understand' message!, however,i discovered that he has arranged to meet up with MY friends tomorrow as one of my best friends asked if i was going to be there with them (what the F******?????!!!!!)
the more i write, the more i realise i have answered my own question. if he doesn't need time to think about being with me and involved in my life, then he just isn't sure about me.... he does love me, everyone is sure of that, but sometimes it seems it is never enough. he has an 18 year marriage and starting again is not an option. he will never do it and i'm only hurting myself by trying to keep it going as when it ends, I have nothing but me, whilst he has his whole life to return to, a whole family to keep his mind off me.
i have babbled, but it has made me realise whilst writing that i need to walk away for my own sake. this is going to hurt so please wish me luck and strength xxx
I am better than second best, I deserve much more with someone who will always put me first! good luck girls x
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