I'm a 25 year old who's been involved with a 40 year old man who is in a common law marriage (20 years) for almost a year. For the first 5-6 months it was something to keep me busy, only because he was calling me constantly or showing up at my house. I didn't really want to spend time with him but he was so persistant even when I started dating someone else. He settled for being my 'during the week guy' since the other guy was going to school and only came home on the weekends.
After 3 months of seeing each other the other guy said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I was upset for a month or so and the whole time 'sancho' was there for me. He brought me food every night and did anything I asked him to do. At that point we only slept together when I was drunk or because I was tired of him pestering me. I didn't want him.
The last 6 months we've 'been together', although he still lives with her. I've felt myself becoming more and more crazy. We fight everyday. I drink so much more than I used to. He's admitted to me he still has sex with her. No matter how many times I try to tell him it isn't right for him to still be intimate with her (we are intimate EVERY day) I can't make him change and he says he knows it's wrong but they've been together for so long that it can't change.
I've found myself waiting for him everyday now. Any person in their right mind would say "get the he'll out". It's so unhealthy and I've alienated my self from my friends and family. I have to lie to everyone. I don't know who I am or what I used to be like before he came along. He gets mad for anything I do. If I don't answer his call he won't call again that day even if I call him back a million times. He has the control no matter how much I hate to admit it. I'm not saying I'm a saint by any means because when I get mad at him its ugly. I love him to the point I'm sick. He does spend 95% of his time with me it still makes me crazy that he sleeps in the same bed with her. He has a son that is 20 and a son that is 12. The 20 yr old knows. In fact everyone knows, including her. We stayed at his brothers house one night because we all drank a lot. The next morning she came over and yelled at him.
She knows he stays at my house on the weekends. But she still stays. I don't feel guilty for her anymore.
So here's why I can't get away from him (if I ever got the guts to do it) he works for my dad. So do I. So did she until I told him that after vacation I didn't want her to work with us. I'm so scared that if I told him no more, he would quit. My dad depends on him so much that I'm scared our business would go to shit. My dad doesn't even know we hang out, let alone have a relationship. I hate lying to him. I can't look my dad in the eye anymore. I hate that more than anything. I want to be with someone who is 100% available but I can't even try because sancho is so jealous.
Every time we've tried to quit each other it ends up the same. I know it's best for me if I just told him no more but it's so hard to work together when were mad at eachother. I feel so lost. I can't talk to anyone about it because my friends that know about him think I've stopped talking to him. I've really screwed up. I just can't (or don't want to) stop seeing him.
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