So I find myself also in this boat

by Hurt

Never did I ever think I would see myself in this situation!

Two years ago I met a guy who I felt instant attraction for and clicked with. Of course at the time of meeting him he did not tell me he was married and in fact told me he lived alone. He pursued me. I felt special. Then he told me he was married. I should have just finished it with him then but he wanted to come around and talk about it. Stupidly we ended up having sex (for the 1st time) and of course it was great. I told myself that I wasnt the one cheating and that he was. It was just about a bit of fun until I went on holidays in about 6 weeks time. Needless to say the contact we had was full on everyday and the line became blurred.

Just before I went overseas I found out that his wife had renal failure and was to go on to dialysis. I felt terrible and decided that it was over. She needed him and I would walk away. I went overseas. A little white later he started contacting me again which I thought would be just as friends considering his situation. When I got back from overseas we caught up and again fell into the affair. I tried to break it off a number of times but he would just keep coming back. I should have been stronger I know.

His wife eventually had a kidney transplant and he was the donor. I spoke to him after surgery as I wanted to check that they were both okay. I vowed that was that and they now needed to start their lives again together. I deleted his number so that I wouldnt contact him.

A couple of months later he started contacting me again and initially I ignored him. Then I faltered. He came around and we talked. Told me he felt more guilty about the way he had treated me than cheating on her. He has never spoken badly about her and I know he loves her. They have been together since they were 16 and are now 34. The affair started again but by now I just felt used and disrespected. Obviously I realised he was also disrespecting his wife by cheating on her particularly during her medical situation.

I finished things with this guy in June and told him not to contact me any more as I need to move on with my life. I have read so many of these posts and can relate to the hurt and emotional rollercoaster. I wonder why I let this happen. Do I really lack self esteem? Maybe. There was no-one else in my life at the time and he showered me with attention. I think these guys really know what they are doing.

Two weeks ago this guy contacted me again. It was on our anniversary of meeting. I guess he is just trying to see what response he would get and to see if he can find an "in" again. Its hard to stay strong. I know I have very strong feelings for this guy although I really wonder why. I think I am probably stuck with wanting to believe he is the person I thought he was when I met him. Which clearly he is not. I also find it hard to understand how someone could do what he is doing. Although I know there will be people judging me and wondering how I could do what I am doing. Believe me I have felt guilt.

I guess I dont really need any advice - I know what I need to do. Or not do. I just need to put it all down in writing. Some of you will empathise and some of you will judge. I do both to myself.

I realise now having read so many situations that he does not love me. Sometimes I think may not even like me. He will never leave his wife for me - although I would never have wanted him to leave for me. That is something I believe he needs to do for himself. I couldnt handle the pressure. But at the end of the day he has everything and I am left with nothing.

So now I need to pick myself up and move forward and find someone who loves me unconditionally and makes me their priority. A friend once said to me "dont make someone a priority if they are only making you an option". So so true!

Comments for
So I find myself also in this boat

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Apr 30, 2011
Stay Strong
by: Anonymous

Stay Strong!!! You can do it. He doesnt deserve you!

In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:

Will the Cheating husband EVER leave his wife?

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