the scarlet letter

by daysie
(los angeles)

I'm 19 years old my story could shock many people.
I was 16 years old when i met this man and his whole family. He is a former pastor in a church,I know family. I never think that i was going to do something stupid. He is 20 years older than me. Well, I was going to his church when my mom who live
with her partner(step- dad)decided to moved to the state of kentucky, by that time my step dad had sexually abused me. I'm the oldest one from 6 kids and all my brothers still little.My mother didn't know about it. i leave in that house with a big fear,
I feel guilty and miserable because we were leaving on a basement in some people's house without money. My step father used to get inside of my room without permission at night so I decided to sleep with my little brothers together in the same room.

After 2 years my mom decided to moved to los angeles california because my step father committed extorsion to some people. he was in trouble with the law. I used to call this Pastor and his family because I thought that he was a good man and that would spiritual help me. My mom made an agreement with him that he was gonna pick us up and guided us to L.A traveling by earth. this man arrived to my house at the begining i treat him with all respect as the servent of God that he was for me. I do admired him for his effort.

I love him but as a father. when we hit the road to drive to los angeles I was going in one of the car which he was driving night time was ahead. We started to talk about God and church related stuff 'cause I sing at the choir. But then he ask me about my step father and I don't know how he discovered my secret i cried of shame. He comforted me and i lay down on his lap until that time he told me that if my mother knew about it i said not really.
He seems to really care about me. I was looking for some one that would take care of me without any
interest. I hadn't have a boyfriend before. I was 17 years old. he told me if i had never feel alone and that i would need some one in life that would love me for who i really i'm. that the age in love situation doesn't really matters. i was like no. i don't really want to know about guys. when we get through the state of arizona my mom's car got stop by the police for speeding. we lost them. my little brother were in the same that i was with this Pastor. We came back and look for them but we couldn't find them. This Pastor didn't have no money because he gave the money to my step dad.However, he didn't know the truth about why we were moving.
we end up calling in a pay phone to some one who could send us money to could got to L.A after the term of 2 fours of trying he communicate with a guy who send him money.we went to wait in a park.
Then he offered me talk to me about his prolems that he was going through very difficult things that people just talk crap of him and get advantage just because he was a Pastor. He call me inside of the car while my brothers were in the park playing. he kiss me. I really don't know what to think or do my mind was confused about what was happening. I was so desperate and confused. i knew it was wrong. well that's how this started. we finally arrived here i feel ashamed of me. However , that gave me the courage to think about run away from my step father.
I end up having a relationship with this older man and leaving stupidly in the same house with him his kids and wife. His wife is a great woman. By a period of a year 1/2 I was his lover leaving in the same house. He would go Preach and then sleep with me and the same for me. until couple of day ago my counciousness were killing me his wife suffered a stroke al her family came from another states. i saw her. We become friends pretty close one. she was like the mom i didn't have. My mother leave when i told her the truth about my step father. I'm dead for my mom.

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