Relationship with a married man is one of the worst kind of toxic relationship. Being the other woman, you feel like you are in limbo state. It is a severe ‘too bad to stay too good to leave’ situation.
You know you somehow have to break free. You know you have to leave, or if you don’t soon you will because it seems like the waiting is never going to be fruitful…ever.
His lies and stupid excuses are just becoming more apparent to you. You desperately want to leave but it’s just SO hard to do…I know.
Now believe it or not you CAN get out of the toxic relationship, and it is a guaranteed method. It is very effective, and relatively quick. The only obstacle of doing this method is yourself, your own feelings and emotion.
Okay you ready?
The best way to get out of a toxic relationship with a married man: is to stop having relationship with him completely, right THIS very moment.
What I mean by stop having relationship with him completely is:
1. no contact – stop the contact right now! no ‘last emails, last messages, last saying goodbyes’ from YOUR side. If you share the same office or social group, seriously consider to move away from it and take action.
Your job doesn’t worth any more years of painful toxic relationship.
2. Do NOT be tempted to read his emails, snail mails, sms or other contacts to you. The temptation will be very hard to resist, but once you pop that message.. you cannot stop. trust me.
3. No final meetings to say goodbye, and NO he doesn’t worth it to be your friend. (Look up definition of ‘friend’ and realise that he doesn’t fit any of it)
4. Know that if he is meant to be with you or he’d rather be with you, this decision of yours will actually make him choose. And if he doesn’t divorce his wife for you, face it all his excuses were just complete rubbish.
At least you know the end result without having to waste anymore time.
5. Know that every contact you make with him after this very day is going to prolong the pain and the heartbreak. It is going to drag you longer into this toxic relationship of yours.
6. Finally, realise that the stop-contact method is like a quick painful shot to your heart. It is just like an injection. After all, what is two or three weeks of heart pain compared to another two, three, or ten years of slow heartbreaking pain?
Sounds hard? It may sound hard right now but do not panic. You can do it!
Here are some thoughts you can put into your mind to help you decide keeping at your ‘married man rehab’.
1. The married man might plead all he wants to continue having some kind of contact with you, but know that if he really wants you, he can now make his choice to leave his wife – or he has to lose you. It’s his loss.
2. Know that you are more prepared than him because it is YOUR decision.
Imagine if your affair gets caught and he is ‘forced’ to leave your toxic relationship to stay with his wife. It then becomes HIS decision, harder for you to cope.
3. Sooner or later this no-contact has to be done. You know it’s just a matter of time before your affair gets caught, or before you go crazy.
4. Do not wait until he is ‘really ready to make a choice’. Because by giving you excuses and staying with his wife, he has already made his choice.
It’s just he is not ready to face the consequences to lose you. Use this to your advantage! if it makes it easier for you to leave, let him suffer as much by leaving him when he’s not ready.
5. Imagine what would happen once you survive your couple weeks of quick pain. Imagine a normal life, no more toxic relationship, no more emotional pain, no more guilt feeling.
6. This is the only way you can EVER prepare your heart for a better future relationship. Getting into a new relationship whilst your heart is still attached to this married man is a mistake.
Final note: Have someone to turn to, make sure it is your same-sex friend. You don’t want a ‘rebound relationship’, and risk losing your male friend in the process.
When you really feel like sending him something, write the email, and send it to YOUR other email address. Do not actually send HIM the email.
When you feel like calling him, call your friend instead and give them the priviledge to abuse you verbally.
When you think about him, acknowledge that you are only human, but don’t focus on your thoughts and let it go.
Say goodbye to your toxic relationship! what doesn’t kill you now will make you stronger in the future…I promise.