Tried To Be Just Friends

He and I met in the military and dated for over a year; we had to fight for our relationship during that time because having a serious relationship in the military is hard. He and I were constantly being deployed at different times; when I was coming back he was going. I ended the relationship because I thought he was being unfaithful; when I realized my mistake and wanted him back he had gotten married. His friends later told me the truth about his marriage so when I decided again to get the love of my life back I was deployed on the advance party to the Gulf War. He later deployed but we were at different locations. He returned to the states one month before I did so he could leave the military - then the next month I returned and left the military.

It always seemed I was one step behind him and couldn't find him; I had lost contact with the love of my life. I had looked for him for years. Even with the advent of Facebook it took him years before he set up a profile - then I finally found him. My heart dropped when I found that he had divorced and remarried and had two little ones. We reached out to each other anyway and felt it would be best to just be friends. In the meantime he applied for and got a job in my state and then he arrived to get things established to move his family. After 20yrs I finally got to see my first true love; and by his account the only woman he ever truly loved. The one he let get away.

I had no intentions of being intimate with this man, no matter how much I loved him - because it was more important for me to have him as a friend than as a lover. As friends he could always be a part of my life. Well... he had other intentions.

Basically we both had unresolved feelings and emotions and not thinking clearly believed intimacy would help us get past those feelings. He made no promises to leave his family and I didn't ask him to - this wasn't supposed to be happening and we were supposed to be building a friendship. We got caught up in emotions.

He doesn't speak directly about his wife to me and I don't ask.
Should she leave him because of me? Not because we were intimate together, I think they have other issues but I also think those issues could be resolved.

Yes he considers me his true love but I think if a woman loves her husband or any man then she should work to become his new true love.
Every time I tell him he is a sexy man, he giggles like a school girl; this is a man who is not used to hearing that. He knows I make an effort to look good for him all the time, especially when we go out in public. He enjoys feeling wanted and desired more than being needed. By that I mean if you come off as desperate and needy - that only keeps a man but for so long.

I knew this man before he got married; I loved this man before he got married - I know how to love him to make him feel special. It's not a game I play or a ploy that I use - I love this man so it comes natural and easy.

We're both struggling with this so I've decided to give him some space as well as for me to get control of my emotions and to put things back into perspective. We're still trying to figure out how we can love each other but just be friends. We thought it would be easy but it's not. Time is running out because his family will be here soon. I know I'm not going to be invited to family functions or be introduced to the wife but I do want us to be able to have lunch together and chat on the phone without past feelings interfering.

Yes I may be kidding myself, I don't know - he sacrificed a lot to move here so it's worth a try to figure this thing out - if we can't then he has some decisions he needs to make, but he will need to make them without any input or influence from me.

I can stop having sex with him, and I probably will as soon as his family arrives - but I can't stop him from loving me. I can leave her husband alone, but she's going to have to put in the work to save her marriage.

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