Want my heart Whole again
OK, First I would like to say I am so glad I found a site that I could Tell my story on and not me crucified for it. I am a current O.W. I am actually the one who pursued my MM,I was in a longterm commonlaw relationship that was once again up for grabs because my mate was never a faithful one , but I stayed in hopes that he would one day change and see me for the woman I am and realize that I was the one he wanted and stop all his shenanigans with other women. I had always been against cheating and could not see myself as stepping into someones relationship let alone marriage for my own selfish wants. That is how I viewed females like the one I am now, selfish, to know that my mate was not single but still pursue a sexual and emotional relationship with him and push for a full blown one. I always wondered how heartless these women could be to hurt another woman this way. Well now I know :( and I actually have felt pain for my ex's past lovers, the hurt and heartbreak they endured because of their love for him and him not leaving me. Well when I met my MM 6yrs ago, I was so taken with him, I saw his wedding band, his wife made sure he had one that could be seen even if you were not looking for it. I fought myself over and over again, I had never been a cheater, faithful to the end even if they were not. My MM worked as a rep for our cell phone carrier.
I started finding reasons to go in and have my phone checked or just "look" at new product and it made it so much easier because my Ex was such and electronics fanatic , I used to get mad because his phone fetish always meant more money, well I no longer cared because I could see this beautiful man that had the most amazing smile, he just made me melt without even trying. He is not this outgoing type either, he barely raised his head to even let you know he was looking. Well one day I could not take it any longer, so I emailed him at his job concerning issues with my phone of course and he was very professional and all business. He told me to ask for him specifically and I did. God just being close to him with the occasional brushing of the hands or arm was amazing.
The very next day I emailed him again thanking him and I set the tone then, and found out the attraction was mutual, we started out with email just talking to each other all day, then the emails got severely graphic as to our desires, well we acted on them and it was absolutely amazing, the way I felt when we made love was amazing. This went on for 5yrs then my ex decided to leave me , this was horrific, the old saying "A married person should never deal with a single person" was oh so true, with me being single I wanted it all from my MM, we had fantasized about it together so many times over the years. Well he told me he could not leave because of his kids, he has two. Well as much as it hurt, I decided to let go, move on because I wanted a life with someone that I did not have to share and though I loved this man with all my heart I had to pull away because he did not want me seeing other people, dating anyone else, having another man in my life, I was supposed to be satisfied with what he had to give me which was very little, I never realized how little time we actually spent together because I had my boyfriend at the time.
But only having My MM made me realize how little time we physically spent together. we talked through email and text and the occasional phone call. But I wanted more so I ended the relationship , just for a month later he and I saw each other and he professed his love for me, through tears, he loved me so much and could not live without me, he was going to tell his wife he wanted a divorce and he was going to leave, he was not going to use his kids as an excuse anymore.He began showing me my worth, spending time with me, were were seeing each other several times a week , our talks were of us and the game plan for us to be together, he even stopped by my house unannounced on Thanksgiving morning on his way out of town to see his family with his kids in the car. All this was proving what he was saying was going to come true.
This went on for a few months , then we were right back to square one, I couldn't come visit him at his second job anymore the private visits to my home were becoming scarce, and then the ultimate, he went right back to using his kids as an excuse. Now it has been almost three months since we have seen each other, he makes no effort to see me, I have told him many times its the little things that matter, phone calls when he can instead of text or asking me to come by his job for a quick hug, or taking half days off to spend in each others arms, all he keeps saying is "soon babydoll, very soon" and soon has now been almost three months since our last physical situation. He says that he and his wife live like roommates and they don't communicate, she is late coming home from work, she is always leaving him with the kids to do whatever she wants to do. She yells at him for cleaning, not cleaning and she spends all her time on the phone instead of with him .They have not been intimate, which is hard for me to believe because we have not been together that way. Our talks are nothing like they used to be, now they are just petting sessions for a job well done for his schooling or work or his fathering with the kids.
If we do talk about us and I am always the one that brings it up, it is short lived. We talk to each other like I talk to one of my three brothers now, current events. He says he can not give me a definitive date as to him leaving. Well now I have reached the point and have used it that I am going to tell his wife. I honestly do not want another woman to feel like I felt when my ex would do this and they would tell, it hurt. I do feel for his wife and I know there are three sides to every story, his version, her version and then the real truth. I had always believed every word he said, he had not given me any reason not to, until some pictures showed on facebook that told me a different story. His sister had gotten married the week before he came to see me, well he had not been wearing his ring, the day he came to my house i noticed the discoloration of his ring finger, I asked him had he been wearing his ring and he said no.
Well low and behold one of my friends on facebook is a friend to his new brother in law, so when wedding pics were posted I saw them. There he was big as day with his wedding band on, and then was the lovely family pic, where he is holding his wife, his arm around her and his hand on her hip smiling. Didn't seem to be to hard for a man who says "gross" to making love to his wife to touch her. I just want to be happy, I don't know how to let go. I love him more than life but I want to be a whole person again. I have health issues that could deem terminal and I don't want to die alone, but I can't see leaving this life in anyones arms but his. Again I am so glad to have been directed to this site, I look forward to any comments or words of wisdom or hand holding. Thank you
In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article: