What am I to HIM?

I have been with my married lover for almost 3 years now... we lived together at the first year of our relationship.. he was working overseas so am I. After I finish my contract, I have to go back to my country so was he. After a few months his wife found out about us. She bombarded me with lots of hate emails saying I'm a whore, home wrecker. I accept all the nasty things she told me. I know! I know I'm wrong..
There is nothing I can do to protect myself from all the things she said. I never replied to her, thinking if I don't things will cool off. After 3 months of non-stop hate nasty emails and calls, she stopped. I guess she moved on. Since his wife found about us, he couldn't come visit me. Our relationship continue through emails.

A year and a half of nothing but emails. I've waited for him to come see me..
I guess I love him that much I've waited that long.. I just wanted to see him again..
I tested him, I told him I have been with another man. And it's just ok with him.
He said were fair now. That I can have the best of both worlds like he is. He said I need something physical since he's not physically present. And that I can't hold his feet to the fire..since I have a guy now.. I'm confused! What am I really to him?
I think I know what am I to him..his TOY... but I'm just afraid to confirm that it is what right in front of me.. I want to break up with him so I would stop hurting...And love and respect myself.. Please I need advice!

Thank you for sparing time to read these...

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