Why do we hide
I have read so many stories and Today I came across a few that were saying to gain some control back by seeing other men and not letting our MM be our sole focus. Why do we hide or feel the need to hide from our MM that we are dating or seeing others. I want someone that will be there for me to take me to a movie or out to dinner or just go back to one of our homes and curl up with a good movie and hang out. But the fear of My MM finding out and the want and need to hide it from him is overwhelming. I feel so stupid at times because I feel that I would be cheating on him if I did go out with someone else. I have so many men that have BEGGED to take me out take me places and even included my son, but I could not do it. These men are professional, stable, and most of all SINGLE! But my heart belongs to my MM, But After reading others say "keep it from our MM" about dating someone else. Why, we are not the ones married, we are not the ones that are cheating. We are the ones that are picked up and put down for their convienince , I have tried to convince myself that my MM is different from everyone elses. He will do what he said he was going to do, we will be together because he said so. This is what my heart says, but my mind tells me that i am being a fool and I need to allow someone who can actually be a true person in my life IN, I think of him going home to his wife and kids and their home, he unlocks his door there is his life right where he left it fully intact. I stay late at work to avoid going home to emptiness or a night of cleaning and recleaning or working out or flipping channels when I could be out to dinner or a movie or someone coming over to spend that time that I beg him for. Why do we do this? I could never hold hands or kiss or least of all make love to another man because I feel like I am doing wrong, CHEATING on a MARRIED MAN! I feel like I am going insane at times. I am so lonely, I sit and hold my phone like it is a breathing apparatus waiting for a text or maybe just maybe a call. Text is delayed, first thought , he is doing something with her, or she is in the room with him or maybe they are making love :( He says they dont sleep in the same bed anymore, they live like roommates nothing else. Yet he is still there and it has been over a year now.. But I fear taking one night and going out with someone single someone with promise someone who could be mine and only mine because my MM may find out and let me go. HE let ME GO.
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