Will I Die of a Broken Heart

by Jules
(Canada)

I think this is an exception to the rule...I met him in 1981. He had just come back from a trip around the world. He had completed his Masters at University. The moment I met him I knew there was an instant attraction. He was tall and slim with broad shoulders, dark curly hair,a warm smile, he exudes such an air of confidence. He was so handsome, that I felt he was androgenous looking.

I was dating an older guy at the time, and they were work out buddies together. When we broke up, I instantly felt free to make a move on the worldly guy! He felt it was not right as he was the work out buddy of my then old boyfriend lets call him Don. I tried to convince him I was no longer with Don, so that we should feel free to date.

I in the mean time, set him up with an aquaintance, so that I would be seeing more of him and observe his personality. There was a method to my madness, I was smitten! We did meet and go dancing secretly ourselves. He showed me his slides from his trip. We had that smooch on the door step... I felt it from my head down to my toes. His arms, when he held me, made me feel, that if the world was to come to an end, he would protect me.

He even came to my apartment, but I was on the phone, and he felt that I made him wait too long. I didn't think I was that rude. He felt I was not interested and left. I didn't feel he was enthusiastic enough.

Lets jump, I got back with Don, and married him. Met up with my world traveler friend at a wedding with the girl I set him up with. He took me aside and said "I don't love her and I won't marry her", which was code to me as I still like you.

Jump 12 years into my marriage, which by the way was not a match made in heaven, but I made a go of it and had children. I phoned him at work and to my disappointment he had married that girl I set him up with in the end. James was pleased to hear from me and had many questions about the family. I knew we still had something.

Years go by and I call him again, but this time with the news that I was leaving my husband, and how was his marriage going? "fine" he replied! That didn't sound that great to me, so I continued the conversation. When he asked to meet for coffee I refused since he was married, but was happy to speak with him over the phone and catch up.

A week went by, and to my suprise, an envelope appeared on my desk at work, with his name and address on it! He was a client of the company I worked for, but by mistake had been mailed to my business address branch in error so I was to forward it to the correct branch. I couldn't help but e-mail him and tell him of the coinsidence! He again asked to see me and I refused. He was going off on a holiday over Christmas and I wished him a Bon Voyage. While he was away, I thought about getting together with him, seeing the envelope as a bit of a "sign". I replied and said "I have changed my mind". He returned from his vacation, calling me immediately mentioning he had hundreds of e-mails waiting for him but I was the first one he read!

We made arrangements to meet! It was 5:30 on January the 29th 2009. I saw him at the top of the staircase he looked exactly the same, I was thrilled! We hugged I was so happy to see him our conversation didn't stop. He was such a great listener, with his hand on his chin and his leg resting on his knee, I could tell he was amused.

We have been together secretly ever since, even went on holiday together. He told me that holiday was better than his honeymoon with his wife! I am mad about him. We constantly ask ourselved why we didn't sort it out in 1981. We are so suited to each other right down to the passion of travelling. He has no children, he and his wife were career people. They have slept in separate beds for over 8 years, their romantic life well not there now that I am. We feel like sould mates, why is he wavering...he is worried that she has no clue and will be blind sided. He worries she will need therapy and he too for the guilt. He hates that he will destroy her life.

I said then I will have to leave you for you to make up your mind. He said , I know I can live with her its been 25 years, but can I live without you? That he said, is the question. I am having a very hard time making that move. I am waiting for him to make me angry, or the straw that breaks the camels back, so that I can get the strength to leave him for 3 months. I told him our deal is this. I will stay away 3 months no contact. I will remain faithful to him. We will meet on that staircase on Jan 29th at 5:30. If he is not there then, he can't pull the trigger, if he is, then he will leave her to be with me. Right now I can't do it, but I know I will not do this forever because I think more highly of myself than that, he knows that I am the whole package, the thought of me being with another man sickens him. When we saw each other only the 2nd time he told me he loved me and that he thought of me all those years, and realizes then that he loved me. He only told his wife and another girl he loved them but only after years of dating them, I know in my heart he means it...God help me!

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