Will I endure the pain to spare his family's pain ?

by latenitemom
(PA)

11yrs. Wow. so many years of the most wonderful friendship I have ever had. Such a compassionate man. Absolutely everthing in common. We were not once physically involved until a year ago. The passion sure was there and bubbling over for sure through the years, but it just didn't happen because we couldn't. Then things broke free last year, and the Love lead the way. Amazing......the most incredible love was made that night.


Twin flames. Soul mates. Always will be. His responsibility to his family keeps us from moving on. I have cleared a path for him to enter my life ...out with the old so to speak. We're both in our mid to late 40's so we are no spring chickens here. Many years of us both feeling lonely in our marriages, and other marital issues that has lead to divorce for me, I certainly knew that if he would have me, I would be there with arms wide open.


He wants me, but he's afraid of the pain he will cause his family. His exact words are " how do i justify my happiness for their pain ? ". Well, I can certainly understand it. I'm not a selfish heartless creature that lurks in the night to search and destroy other womens hearts, and cause the kids pain. Although, the kids are old enough to understand, but will they ?


I face the challenge of being the most hated woman, or being among the women that have gotten the not so nice title of " being the other woman". Ive been on both sides of the fence now. Ive beent the child that had the pain of fathers new life, new girlfriend, new wife, new family. Ive been the spouse who was cheated on. Now I am the one thing I said I never would be. Never is along time to say you wont do something...and then find yourself in the very thing you tried to deny.


No one knew about me in his life for all this time until a couple of days ago. He's been quiet, and I could sense something was just not up to par. He left his cell phone at the insurance company and unfortunately when he went to get it back they were closed. He had to go work that night and he does work very long hours, and his father went to get the phone for him. Well, needless to say I had texted him a few times and I am sure the phone was going off like banchee's and was very annoying. His father opened the phone to shut the phone off, and my last messege was staring him in the face. Ohhh boy.


I received a text while i was working from my MM, tonight he let me know that his father had questioned him about who I was, and wanted to tell me thats why he has been quiet. What do I make of this ? Certainly nothing positive for him thats for sure. I can only guess that he was truthful with his father because that's his nature. I have yet to hear what was actually said. Am i nervous ? Ohhh you bet I am. Why ? because I dont know how his father or his mother will accept this. I know thru the years that they are very wondeful people, but judgmental ...I dont think.

I am sure they'd want some answers. Is he making decisions to tell all ? I have no idea. I am not going to sway him one way or the other thats for sure. Will I pull the covers over my head and cry ? you bet I will. Will I leave him be ? I sure will...for as long as I have to for him. Divorce is not a nice thing, and there is so much pain involved for everyone. I am not happy to see this happen. Will I wait for him ? You bet I will. Why ? because Ive had my share of bs in relationships and to start all over in a new one to just get hurt from someone who will never become to know me like he does is a waste of my time.


I'll keep his pillow warm, and I will keep him close to my heart as I have always done. Is it fair for me to grow lonely while I wait ? nope. But nothing about it is fair. Thats the initial bluntness of being the other woman. Good day to you, and good luck to you all.

Comments for
Will I endure the pain to spare his family's pain ?

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May 30, 2011
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True Love finds a way
by: Latenite

It's all still very difficult. I have many nights that I am wishing things were different. Things have gotten better. I've never caught him in a lie, and he's very forthcoming to me. He and his wife aren't in love, and havent been for many years. They don't fight, or argue. They are friends. There is nothing wrong with that. I am glad they don't fight and argue because that's horrible. He's not a violent person, and he's not quick to be critical to anyone. He tells me his family cannot make it without him because of financial reasons. Not to mention he has a lot to lose if he got divorced. I don't look for him to divorce, at least I am not expecting him too. Do I wish he would ? hahaha, yeah I do. But not because of me. I know in my heart sometime in the next five years we'll be together. I say that because I still have mothering to do of my own, and life is difficult enough, and I want to be free from my responsibility of raising kids before I take on this challenge. Yes, I do Love Him. I Always Will.

May 25, 2011
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You sound like Me
by: Anonymous

I love him, I know he loves me. I dont want to cause him pain or damage. I will wait patiently for him or let him go if he ask me too. In a picure perfect world everything is so simple. You fall in love and get married and live happy together, but in real life sometimes things don't work out that way. I pray that God has mercy on me and the mess him and i got ourselves into. He was always be my first love. You must really love him. No one can blame someone for loving a person, we can only be judge by the choices we make. Mine is leavin, but they have kids, and I am so heistate...I love him, I want him to be happy. I pray that God sheds light in the mist of our confusion, our situations and how to live one day at a time and resolve them.

Dec 10, 2010
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Marriage is in the heart
by: latenite

So many couples stand at the alter and they do the " repeat after me vows". How many of those couples actually believe that those words will stop either of them from becoming unhappy in the relationship ? Marriage is in the heart whether you do a formal in church wedding or not. I know couples who never went through the getting a marriage license, and all the formalities of a wedding, and standing in a church to legally become man and wife, and they have the best "marriage" of anyone I know. When your heart is in the relationship, and you are completely empowered by the person you are with, and all things positive outweigh the negative, and you don't even once think of wandering outside that relationship....that is marriage of the heart. Then if every man and woman that got married actually had this ....we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Dec 10, 2010
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Passion isnt just for the movies
by: Anonymous

Not all marriages are meant to be. What I find to be pretty stupid is when someone spends thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding, and go into a commitment with blinders on because of the high they get from "the princess" wedding moment. Even these marriages have been known to have one or even both spouses to be very busy sexually outside the marriage. Multiple partners outside a marriage is degrading. If a couple both know the love is gone, although, you do care for each other respectfully, and your relationship is based on friendship but the passion is gone then whats left ? Passion is supposed to always be there. It really isnt just for the "movies".

Dec 10, 2010
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Try having integrity
by: Anonymous

You can try to justify being the other woman until you are blue in the face, but the truth is you lack a noral fiber and integrity. why not leave the wife and move on with new woman who has captured your life if, it is really love that you feel for each other. what is the pain of knowing someone no longer loves you compared to knowing he gets out of bed with you to bed someone else who might even give you some strange disease.

Jun 22, 2010
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Where's the love
by: latenitemom

Sorry for the typo at the end. Was supposed to be "it will backfire on you". Not , I.
Please dont feel alone. Easier said then done I know. But it's nice to have a place to come just to jot down your feelings. It really helps. Just because we love a MM it don't make us bad people. As long as love is involved. But if its just for sex its just not right. When the love fell apart from my husband and I, I wished he would find someone to love, and vice versa. We went for 9 yrs out of love. It really makes for a not so happy life. You end up just going through the motions, and what is the fulfillment in that? I certainly had none. But he was finding other ways to fulfill his. I could probably write a book about it.

Jun 21, 2010
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Your heart will be tested
by: latenitemom

Being the other woman and living in secrecy is heartbreaking. Not all MM who have love outside the marriage are habitual cheaters. Most I would say are...But a few select are not.
If I hadn't known him for so long, and he hadn't been my rock through many trying times for me, I am certain I would not be in the place I am now with him.
I am not in the dating scene, never liked it even in my younger day. There is one upside, and that is the freedom of independence. Although, it gets lonely, but on the other hand, I can come and go as I please, no one to answer too. I can keep my money on a budget, and I can splurge when I want on what I want.
If I told him we cannot do this anymore, He would let me go, but still remain my friend. We've talked about it. He tells me he wouldn't blame me one bit if I moved on. It's not his way of sweet talking me either to keep hanging on the side line. I want to be there. All I would have to do is stop answering his calls, his texts, and whatever else I deemed necessary.
We make our own choices. If you have a gut feeling that something is just not right, and that your just being used ? There's way's to get answers. It's up to you to figure it out. Just dont ever be too willing for him to leave. I could backfire on you.

Jun 21, 2010
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Thank you
by: Anonymous

I just read your story. I am so glad to know I am not alone out there. Being an OW is a very lonely place. It is confusing and I have been searching these sites for help. Thank you for sharing. It does help woman like me.

In the meantime, please visit other page. Related article:

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